Clean Underwear

“Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident and they have to cut you out of your clothes.” That’s what my grandparents would say. Or if not an accident, you never know when you might get stuck in traffic, or have to go to the hospital, and the list went on. Matter of fact, my grandma was so sure this was going to happen that she always had an extra pair with her in her purse!

Why do I share this? Simply because I was watching the View this week and this came up in conversation, and it hit me – this really was a big deal and a very common phrase said to children for years! This would have been seen as neglect by parents if their child had dirty underwear. In such a short time, we have gone from being concerned about dirty underwear to needing to be concerned about the rapid pace at which lies and deceit are filling their minds and hearts.

There is hope! ALWAYS! I have been thinking about what the generations of “clean underwear” regarded as important, and what is necessary now for us to regard as priority. Here is what I have come up with:

1. Big Picture has to be the quality of our relationships with our children, no matter what “season.” Baby – toddler – child – preteen – teen – young adult – adult.
2. “Education is not filling a pail, but a lighting of a fire.” – William Butler Yeats. We have to view life as a whole as our education, not just Kindergarten through twelfth grade, etc.
3. We are to guide them, and that cannot be done when we are not present. Just because they are getting older, or say they can feel fine staying alone, doesn’t warrant a lack of supervision.
4. Set healthy and age appropriate expectations. Allow them to pitch in with keeping your home going. Show them that when you work together, then you have more free time together.
5. Ask questions. The human brain has a hard time resisting questions that it hears, and wants to find the answer ASAP. This builds our mental muscles. What better time to strengthen these muscles than when they feel safe and at home. Ask questions instead of solving problems for them. Ask their opinion and actually listen with respect.
6. Show them how earning what they get is rewarding and brings a great deal of satisfaction.
7. They need limits that can expand with earned trust. When we set appropriate limits, not threats, and enforce them with logical and natural consequences, our children will learn by example and begin to set limits for themselves.
8. Let them make mistakes. This experience builds perseverance and self-esteem, and lessens the threat of entitlement. Admit your mistakes too. When you fall short of the values and standards you have for yourself and your family, be honest.
9. Make it a rule to allow use of digital devices when it doesn’t interfere with your relationship with them, and their relationship with anyone else. Set the example of healthy tech behaviors. Allow them to make choices with limits, if they make mistakes, let them experience the consequences of their mistakes. Allow them to learn. The empathy that we have the opportunity to show our kids, allows them to see that it’s not us that is the cause of their disappointment, but rather the poor decisions that they make that are responsible.
10. Get to know their friends. Know what interests them, get to know their family, how their family is different and like yours.
11. Listen more. How we live speaks louder than any lecture we could ever give!
12. Always remember they are watching! Ask yourself what are they seeing?
    • Am I practicing patience or impatience?
    • Am I being an example of being content and grateful? Or am I running around to get the next best, bigger, better, what everybody else has?
    • Am I an example of growing through mistakes and hard circumstances? Or have a chosen to be bitter and hard hearted?
    • Do they see me saying “no” when necessary?
    • Am I thankful for the work that we have or have I chosen the grumbling and complaining path?

Invest: to devote one’s time, effort, and energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result. Our children are worth every single second-every single day-every child- ALWAYS! Let’s not let a child believe less than this! We don’t just want them to have clean underwear, we want them to know where there worth rests, we want them to know how abundantly and fully loved and valued they are, we want them to know they are worth dying for! How will they begin to understand or even comprehend this? You. Be the example. Advocate. Guide. Invest.

Life Book of the Week: What about the Children? Marcia Carole Gladwish