A Miracle Starts

The pictures above were hand crafted by a parent (I babysat for) grown to be true friend. I always admired her artwork in her home, and now I have my very own! Ask my parents- these are not to be touched or removed from my sight! Seriously! The one on the left is from a picture taken just a few days before my Lucy ran ahead to Jesus, with the hymn, “I need Thee every hour,” which I sang to her since she was born. The one on the right is taken from a picture right after her finalization hearing, almost exactly two months before, with the words “wonderfully made,” also a song I sang to her. If you study Lucy’s face, you see that my friend truly captured the moments. One of hanging on, yet peaceful. One of pure happiness and rest from a chaotic court house! One so tiny it almost could be from a newborn picture, but she wasn’t even this tiny at birth! And one that let’s you know she loves her bottles and baby food! She captured these moments spot on, every emotion, every detail, I am forever grateful! Thank you- you know who you are 😊💕

Why do I give all these details? Well for a couple of reasons. It’s always a difficult thing for me to see the good in the moment of really hard and painful circumstances. I think this is a pretty common thing. Although I know I can’t stay in the hard and painful- that’s not what Jesus calls me to do. I have always been a “documenter,” I date everything, I take pictures, I still have a paper planner, I write EVERYTHING down! My niece and nephew are shocked if one of their pieces of art doesn’t have a date on the back, because usually I am right there as they are finishing to make sure they date it! I have always had notebooks, writing just about anything down. In high school, I was obsessed with quotes- I had notebooks full! I threw them aways 😩 and now regret this, but maybe I will start again! When my niece came along I started trying to write a little something, when she was with me, to remember what we did or funny things she did or said. Then my nephew came along and I did the same on days he was with me. So it has become a good habit to just write a little something everyday. (or I try to do it everyday)

Another reason is I began keeping kids in high school- the parent who gifted me with the pictures above was one of the first families I kept. They were apart of a small group of families that I kept the kids while the adults had their time together. I kept these kids for multiple years- I am still close to these families. These families are part of Lucy’s journey and prayer team. They probably don’t know this, although now they will, they were apart of molding and moving my heart towards adoption.

Kids, high school, and avid documenter- how do all these things have to do with today’s post? Allow me to tell you and maybe ask a few questions 😊

In high school, since I was home schooled and I was grateful to have a mom that “got me” and my brain, I was able to enjoy reading and pick what I read. There are two that really got me thinking and asking questions- The Long-Awaited Child by Tracie Peterson and The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers. I don’t remember how I picked these up or why at the time they caught my attention. But I do now!

In high school, I also was introduced to a singer/songwriter, Ryan Long, whose song, “If it hadn’t Rained,” hit me hard and left an imprint on my heart that will never leave! (I’ll link at the bottom) He also sings a song, “Grady Smith,” and reminds me so much of one of the kids, now adult, from this small group!

Kids- before I even hit my senior year of high school I knew my heart and life would always have to have kids in it. And for as long as my health and energy could keep up- it would be my job. I loved every single kid I kept- no lie! Some may have been more difficult than others, but honestly that made me love them even more. Some needed more attention. Some needed me to read to them. Some needed me to rock them- you know who you are 😊 Some just needed me to get their hot dog with cheese right- I did fail at this. 😂 Some needed boundaries. Some needed silliness. Every child was unique and that made my job fabulous!

When I look back and read things I wrote in high school and during these times of keeping kids- I had health challenges come up, but I also had some wonderful families teach me what it means to create your village, your community, and in return became my village. Even with Lucy running ahead, these past couple of weeks I have been reading through my journals, and I can proclaim, shout, HE IS FAITHFUL!

Between loving having kids around and the books and music I was being drawn to, I really began to search my heart and found that there was something the church wasn’t talking about that really concerned me. They talked a whole bunch about international adoption, but what about abortion? What about the kids in the united states? What about single moms and single dads?

If you know me at all- I can’t just have a question and let it linger- so I jumped in full force. Let me make this clear – my brother and I were educated on these things, but something was lacking in the Christian community. Something seemed “underhanded” in a way.

I am not going to plaster you with all my bullet points – I will give you what I believe were Jesus pointing me to my adoption decision:

1. There are many moms that want to choose to give life- but don’t know they have that option or they believe they will be shamed for their decision. We have to defeat this sense of shame and applaud them for choosing to give life no matter what!
2. Your past doesn’t define you today or tomorrow- what defines you is how you move forward – Jesus is always waiting full of grace and forgiveness. Be the face that shows the way to His grace!
3. Know the facts – do your research – when you give to a cause, know what the money is truly for!
4. It’s not enough to just be “pro-life,” we must know what that means.
   • When do you believe life begins? And when do you believe a life is no longer “valuable?”
   • Do you know the important difference between a miscarriage and an abortion? Don’t get these mixed up, if you do you are violating those who have truly lost a child!
   • What do you believe about infertility treatments? How far is too far? The petri dish?
   • What’s the number of children needing to be adopted or fostered in the United States? How many moms are on waiting lists to be matched for an adoption plan?
5. Get to know the facts in your state specifically- In NC we have one abortion clinic that focuses on selective race and gender abortions- most are black, brown, and girl abortions. Disgraceful.

The night of the super bowl I saw this on Instagram: ” The five largest NFL stadiums in the Untied States could be filled to capacity and still NOT fit all the children who are currently in the United States foster care system. (America’s Kids Belong – Lifelong.org)

The song that I mentioned above, “Wonderfully Made,” is by Ellie Holcomb. I would sing it as I prayed for Lucy’s arrival, and then I would get chills and tears every time I had the chance to sing it to her. Here are a few of the lyrics: “What if I saw me the way that you see me? What if I believed it was true? What if i traded this shame and self-hatred for a chance at believing you? That you knit me together in my mother’s womb. And you say that I’ve never been hidden from you. And you say I am wonderfully made.” We prayed her life giving mom would know and grasp this also! If we say we believe this, then we must know the facts, and ask ourselves the questions.

It may seem like I am advocating for adoption – and being insensitive to those dealing with infertility- that is not my intention. My intention is to ask myself and ask the Church – if we claim to be pro-life – do we really know what we are claiming? Or are we just doing what we think is right? I am confident in saying if God asked us, “Who do you say I am?” And we answer, “Creator,” then we must leave the creating up to Him, and we must focus on the believing and having faith in His will.

“When love takes you in, everything changes. A miracle starts with the beat of a heart.” – Steven Curtis Chapman INDEED!!!!

Life Book of the Week: What to Say When, by Shawn Carney. The Scalpel and the Soul, by Noreen Johnson and Haywood Robinson. https://40daysforlifegear.com