The Sights and Sounds of Children

What does the movie Corrina, Corrina and The Nanny Diaries have in common?

If you guessed, two of my favorites that I never get tired of watching, you guessed half of it! The other half is they also influenced how I love kids and how they tick.

Growing up Corrina, Corrina was one of the Blockbuster picks I would usually pick when I couldn’t find anything else 😊 (or Sister Act 1 and 2- cannot go wrong with Whoopi Goldberg). The brilliance of this movie, I believe, lies in the amazing work of how a child handles grief. It begins with the visitation after a funeral, the funeral of a little girl’s mom. Molly is her name, and she is hiding under a table draped with a tablecloth. No one seems to be worried where she is, except her grandpa. He begins to crawl under the table with her and you can see a twinkle in her eye, you can tell he is her safe place at this time. However, the moment is interrupted by all the other adults swooning over if she is okay and Molly will not say a word. See she loves her grandpa because he is hard of hearing, and he will just sit with her. And that’s all she needs and wants at this moment of grief. He sees her, and she sees him.

And then come the interviews for a house keeper… the good, the bad, and the downright creepy! And then came Corrina, no references, just open to a trial period and after that she says she will let him (Manny, the Dad) know her decision. I always got a kick out of this! The ones who had come before her were so terrible that Manny agrees and the journey begins.

Now, the challenge with Molly is she is hurt and confused about the loss of her Mom. She has nothing to say, but everything to say- she’s itching for someone to see her for her. A child who is grieving. A child who has no reference points of prior grief in her life. This is all new and it’s her mom. The brilliance continues… Corrina is driving and turns a red light to green with simple blow in the direction of the light. Molly is flabbergasted! They come up to the next light and Corrina says, “You try.” Molly blows and red turns to a green light. Her mind is blown! This is the first layer peeled back of Molly’s protective grief shield. It will take more peeling.

They come to a drive in restaurant, and Corrina gives her two options to choose from. She is giving her options, another layer, she trusts her to choose. But Molly doesn’t want to talk. So she asks her to pat her nose for yes. I hold my breath every time… and finally she pats her nose yes. BIG layer peeled back! Next you see them cruising and wearing new sunglasses, smiling and laughing.

Eventually Corrina gets her to talk, but it takes some layer peeling and trust building. And then comes time to go back to school for Molly. She doesn’t want to go, so Corrina says just for one day she can skip school. Well, maybe a couple 😊 I mean she is learning life skills. One of my favorite lines in the movie is when she tries to think fast and cover up for skipping school, and tells her dad she won the spelling bee! He asks her, “What word did you spell?” She says, “Vacuum. H-O-O-V-E-R.” Whoops!

The Nanny Diaries is a more recent movie, but has some of the same lessons, which I will get to later on in this post. Now I will say I never had a family like this family! But the relationship between Annie (nanny) and Grayer (child) is a special one, and I see similarities in my relationships with “my kids” that I kept over the years.

Annie has just graduated college and is supposed to be moving to New York to look for a job. However, between saving a little boy from getting ran over in the park, and his mom not hearing her correctly when introducing herself as Annie, instead the mom thought she said, “nanny,” she lands a job as a nanny for a wealthy family as their live-in nanny. There are strict rules for Annie to follow for Grayer. Food, bedtimes, museum visits, tutors, etc. It’s not long until Annie starts to lose her marbles over all the rules, and begins to eat directly out of the peanut butter and jelly jar in front of Grayer. And encourages Grayer to try too. She comes up with a code name for Grayer: Grover. He likes it. On the days they are supposed to go the museum- they go to the “off limits” museum. She does what they ask her to do, like attend costume parties in full costume, and get Grayer places. But she promised herself she wouldn’t love Grayer or get attached. Until one night Grayer says, “I love you, Nanny.” And I loose it every time! She says, “I love you too, Grover!”

During all this, her mother thinks she is getting a job that will boost her resume for what she wants to eventually do as a career. This all comes crashing down one night when Grayer gets really sick. His mom has gone out of town, and it’s just Annie and Grayer. Annie’s mom is a nurse, and so she finally breaks down and calls her to come help. Her mom comes and helps, gets Grayer settled and then asks questions.

The rest of the movie is great too, heartbreaking what the parents choose to do individually and as a couple. And Nanny Annie finds the nanny cam and lets them know the true value of Grayer and what they are missing out on.

BUT… Instead of going into detail on the rest of these two movies, I’d like to answer how these two movies influenced how I love kids and how they tick and the lessons I’ve learned from them.

• Follow the child: I don’t mean let them take authority. I mean every child is going to have a different way of navigating life. This takes time, observation, listening, trying and failing and trying again. Something that works for one child can easily tear another child down. Emotions, feelings, personality, genetics, so many things make up a human being. For a child, they are only just beginning, they only have the experiences and perspectives that we have given them or exposed them too. And they only know the responses and reactions that those around them.
• Some rules are meant to be broken. Every once in a while you just have to grab a spoon and eat out of the jar. Or let a child skip a day of school just because. (although I know missed days in school now are precious things! I would have never graduated with the rules now!)
• When you have a heart for kids – you will ALWAYS love them!
• In both of these movies there are some crucial culture, race, status, etc lessons. Assumptions that tend to silently divide. Language that is improperly ignored or miseducated about. We can do a lot better on communicating these things more clearly and widely with our children and world.
• It doesn’t matter if it’s your education, job, grief, wealth, aspirations, etc that is taking time away from your kids, they feel the impact. We only have so much time! The bottom line for any child is not material things or how much is in a bank account, or what job you have, or how high of education you have. Kids want YOU! Someone recently said, “I didn’t need lots of things. I was spoiled with love.”

Children need to be consistently spoiled with love. Greet them. Hug them. Embarrass them if you have too. Include them. Observe. Eighteen years. 6,570 days. 157,680 hours.

I miss the sights and sounds of children. The longing of my heart has always been to be a Mommy, and I am that, but it’s very quiet. No birthday parties to attend, no after school activities, this is not what I pictured when I thought of being a Mommy. So if you have kids running around, just take a minute to pause, close your eyes and breathe in the sounds, open your eyes and take in the sights. Maybe record both. Because when it’s gone, these moments, these soundbites, will be the reminders that they were there and that they were very real. Trust me. 😉

Life Book of the Week: Home, by Matt de la Pena