Do You Like Me?
But he was in his room, wasn’t he? We thought he was safe, didn’t we? What harm can he do in there?
Exchange of questions between Jamie’s Parents in the 4-part miniseries, Adolescence
You have probably heard of this miniseries, and you may be tired of hearing about it. I ask you, please give me a few sentences and then you can choose to close your browser if you would like to stop reading.
Along with most of the world, I have been shook by this miniseries. Not necessarily by the truth it exposes, but by the guts it took to actual put real life in the homes of families every where! If it doesn’t open your eyes, heart, and make your stomach curl in at least one way, then I’ve got some hard news- you may need to up your knowledge on the hard reality of what kids are facing today. “Social Media Murders” is not just a crime series on your favorite streaming service, it’s happening everywhere, everyday, multiple times a day.
Not only did the questions above knock the wind out of me and the end of the series, because everybody wants to believe their kid is safe in their bedroom, but a few more key moments struck me.
Jamie selects his dad to be with him in the questioning, since he is a minor. When the officers and appointed legal official steps out, his dad simple asks, “Did you do it?” He looks his dad in the eyes and says, “No.” For a millisecond I wanted to believe him- he made eye contact, for goodness sake. But quickly I knew he had sharpened his skills in being shut off and unemotional. He was hurt, deeply hurt by so many things, that he didn’t have any use for feelings any longer. Better off to not feel-then you don’t get hurt. But hurt people, hurt people.
The officers begin their search and interviews at Jamie’s house, school, friends, etc. Multiple devices are found- some for school, some his parents had given him, some they didn’t know about. I will say now, this is a tough spot for parents today- and I can’t say how I would handle school given devices. They have to have them to complete their work, and it’s easier to turn in assignments, I’m sure, but it just adds to the already big problem around digital spaces. Digital spaces are largely not made for kids. They aren’t made with them in mind. Convenience and speed to get information is the internet’s main job. Facts have even fallen to the wayside. Social media on top of that is certainly not made with them in mind. And social media has no concept of hate speech, bullying, porn censors, or any other inappropriate content. (I know it censors some- but let’s be real, the amount of breastfeeding moms that pop up on my instagram is nauseating – I respect them, but nothing that I follow or have tapped on should even put this in my algorithm! And I would really love to not see girls butts when there are certainly swimsuit bottoms that will cover their whole behind! I grew up with a brother and boy cousins- trust me, this isn’t doing them any favors!)
As they interview his classmates, friends, bullies, teachers, etc many things come to the surface. All things which kids are facing head on every single day. The 80/20 rule- it disgusts me, look it up, it makes me so mad that kids are spreading and believing this that I’m not even going to write another word about it. While on campus a fight breaks out, and a girl is the initiator and the victim is one of Jamie’s friends- a boy- something is obviously stirring. We have allowed a confidence and identity disaster to take place. Girls degrade boys by belittling their “masculinity,” and boys degrade girls by insulting how they look. We have lost sight of what interests my child, and focused on how will the world define my child? Rather than giving kids the chance to explore all kinds of extracurricular activities, we limit them, and then if they don’t “succeed” they get targeted because we have sent the message to our children that they don’t quite fit. Jamie’s dad wanted him to play sports, he tells a story of how he remembers looking on the sidelines for a reaction, his dad was obviously disappointed. So he became withdrawn.
While on campus the officers son comes to him and gives him some tips. One of the tips is look into the emojis used on social media and elsewhere. They tell the story.
The whole inner storm in Jamie seems to come down to this seemingly simple, yet extremely complex question, “Do you like me?”
Do you like me? Ponder and sit with this for a moment.
Do
You
Like
Me
He isn’t asking do you love me. He wants to know, do you like me as I am, not for what you want me to be. A life is taken because this question didn’t have the answer he so desperately needed. Was it a build up of “no”s that made him so angry? Or a certain amount of disappointments? Well, that’s left untold. But are we not all asking this? Isn’t this a question we are born asking?
We CANNOT check out! Parents, grandparents, schools, aunts, uncles, classmates, friends, neighbors, coaches- we must be persistent in our knowledge of what our society is throwing at our kids- and at us. We must not be blind or ignorant about what is happening daily. We must equip. We must come along side. We must encourage positive interests, without boy or girl labels on everything. We must show our children we LIKE and LOVE them by our actions, our attitude, our emotions, and words.
Now, I have been super bold today, so you may not like me a lot at the moment. And that is okay. I don’t like everybody 100% all the time- I am a sinner saved by grace. However, don’t let this get in the way of checking out the resources below! They are super simple and require a small subscription – but I guarantee you they are 1000% worth every penny!
If you haven’t watched Adolescence and you love kids, I strongly suggest you watch. It’s no easy watching, but then again kids are dying- literally and figuratively!
Life Book of the Week: The Anxious Generation, by Jonathan Haidt. (Sorry for a thick book- but it’s eye opening, thought provoking in very good ways.)
Article: https://chriswmckenna.substack.com/p/adolescence-and-the-crisis-of-boys
This is my #1 recommendation! They have made it super simple to keep up with what’s going on in the digital world! $12.00 a month and its an app, so you can watch or read when you have 2 or 3 minutes – in the car line, on the toilet (bc you know you do), sub this for a social media scroll once a week – it’s worth every penny! (or should I say nickel- are pennies banned yet?) https://www.protectyoungeyes.com/the-table
This is my #2 recommendation! While the above does more education on the ins and outs of what’s going on and digital awareness- this membership is awesome to suggest movies, games, books, etc according to age and other limits you would like to set. Plus it gives you parents reviews along with kids reviews. And also things you can talk about with your kids. It is also an app so you can look it up and read from anywhere. https://www.commonsensemedia.org/join
