Influence.
Influence: noun; 1. the power or capacity of causing an effect in indirect or intangible ways. 2. The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. 3. According to Babbel, “In 2025, influence is the ability to inspire action, shape opinions, and drive trends.” (impact; leadership; guidance; direction; hold; control; power.)
Influencers. Time 100. World leaders. New Pope. All these people are human beings and definitely deserve the right to speak and hold a place in this world, as well as all of God’s creation has the right too. Today, though, I’m thinking about the ones who never get the trophy or attempt at an acceptance speech, nor would they ever want anything like this. Their reward is the people they encounter. If they see the fruit of their seeds planted in their lifetime, that’s not their goal. They know their work is in planting the seeds and cultivating and watering the soil, the foundation.
A few weeks ago, I clicked on the bookmark on my phone to just check the local obituaries. The first one was one of the most tender, Jesus loving, influences on my very early life. He was my Sunday School teacher when I was in early elementary school. When I say he influenced my early life, I mean he was one of the faces that made me see how kind the face of Jesus is. He had an approach to all children that I imagine was like when Jesus said, “Let the little children come.” I remember many times running to him in the hallway of our church and him getting down on one knee and embracing me with a big smile on his face, like I was the only kid he was looking for in church that day. His wife always near by, also waiting to give me a big hug.
A few years back I ran into them at Hobby Lobby. I had seen them some in between leaving the church we were at and this encounter at Hobby Lobby, because they moved into the neighborhood where my grandparents moved when they downsized. Honestly I was absolutely amazed that they were out and about like they were, since my grandparents had passed a few years back and they were about the same age. We talked and he was teaching woodworking classes in his garage, this didn’t shock me, but his wife kind of signaled that his memory was slipping. I could tell he was hesitant when I said Hi, but I have had two grandmothers with memory loss, I was just grateful to see them! It’s in these moments that I am so grateful to be able to say thank you to those who have made an impact on my life. I wasn’t able to know the extent of how far reaching his influence would be, but now I do! There are very few times that I have missed getting down to the level of a child when they are in my presence, and when I miss the chance – I feel it.
I have been wonderfully showered with children to elders that have made marks on my life. Some have been in my life long-term, some for a few minutes or hour, or a day or month, but I incredibly thankful for every one. I started writing down names and a short reason of why they were big in my life- it’s a beautiful thing. I encourage you to start one, nothing fancy, just start with the names.
All of this has gotten me to thinking: What does begin to influence you, even as a child?
Y’all know I love child development, so I had to dig a little into my notes, but it’s really a quite simple thing that we often complicate with theories and formulas.
Influence begins with who is caring for you, meeting your needs – family. Starting at birth (even before) needs of hunger, thirst, comfort are being met by those who will most likely have the greatest influence on your life. As parents, the way we interact- talk, listen, play, feel emotions, model life skills- is setting up the basic foundation for our children to build on. This starts in the home, but parents can’t do it all alone. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, those who can join in with similar beliefs on raising your children should be welcomed in. This outer circle will become our children’s “go-to” people when parents might not be their first choice- so building this circle is vital to a child.
The hardest part about influence in 2025 is there are so many distractions. I see the biggest threats to positive influence being inconsistency and noise. For children to feel wanted and loved, they must feel heard and known. How can we accomplish these things? Observe and tune into what makes your child, the one and only. No two humans are exactly alike, and none of us should be treated like we are. Listen as much as you talk- ask questions and encourage them to think through problem solving and challenges before giving your thoughts. Encourage them to question respectfully. Give them simple choices that you can build on, on the way to building independence later. Recognize positive behavior more than negative. Respectfully communicate transitions, you would want fair warning if you had to leave your favorite relaxing spot! Be consistent as you can be with daily schedules- even if it can only be a family morning routine or night time routine, this creates and models emotional regulation that is solid and stabilizing for them. Model emotions, calming behaviors, life skills. Read and talk as life evolves- talk to them in age appropriate language about what’s happening in the news, in your life, in the family- they know and hear more than you think! It’s best just to tell them yourself.
And if we don’t lay this foundation and start building what influence should look and feel like for our children, who will? Bad news, in my growing years the answer would have been peers, other adults, magazines, some tv and movies. But now our children are bombarded with influences and influencers and so are we! If we don’t shoot for laying the foundation at home, creating a safe place to talk, then the human nature in all of us will seek out who will help us create a basis for where to begin.
Now, when I am talking about influence, you can replace “influence” with “guide,” “lead,” “direct.” I am not talking about “hold,” “control,” “power.” These are red flags of influencing, when we sense that someone is being held, controlled or powered by influence we need to triple check our intentions or the intentions of others.
When I speak of influence, we are to guide our kids in how to conduct themselves, we are to lead them in the Truth and Knowledge of Jesus and his saving grace and unfailing love, and direct them in values and morals (and why) that are of the most importance in your household. You have 18 years, possibly more (my parents have had 37- I didn’t see any reason to leave! LOL 😂), with them under your roof. During those years is the time of planting. They can choose to take the things you taught them along with them or some of the things or reject it all, BUT you’ve done your job- the planting, and the seeds can always spring up a sprout, but no seed-not sprouts.
I came across this quote on Pinterest: “I want Jesus kids, not church kids. I want my kids to be free to live out their faith and their worship and their love of Jesus in a way that is authentic, not obligatory. I will not dictate to them what it looks like. Maybe it’s church. Maybe not. I pray that they will express their faith in their everyday actions, with kind, accepting, wide open hearts. I hope when others meet them, they see a little bit of Jesus. I hope my kids are the church.”
Plant the seeds. Fill your children’s lives with the people who will plant more seeds. Create some consistency and quiet in this wildly noisy and rapidly changing world.
Life Book of the Week: The Quiet Place, by Sarah Stewart
Some of my Favorite Books/Series on “Life Skills” and also great conversation starters (I’ve also used some of these in our “Calm Down Spot” box):
https://www.juliacookonline.com You can either click on “Buy Books” or scroll to the bottom of the page and click “Titles and Topics” for a full list of her books by Life Skill/Situation. Her titles grab the attention of kids and adults! 😊
https://www.christianbook.com/god-need-to-talk-you-books/pd/223998?srsltid=AfmBOorJ4oABvaz2nwi6i9EMA2tOe1mFiuIkE_8l1qdN52MOUBRTbeGy These are short and sweet. But also teach the scripture that helps develop character and matters of the heart.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/browse?query=subject I recently discovered this resource and it has many good books on the site!
All kinds of Minds: A young student’s book about learning abilities and learning disorders, and Keeping ahead in school: A Student’s book about learning abilities and learning disorders, both by Dr. Mel Levine. These were monumental in our family. My parents would read a little aloud and then I would read a little aloud. You have to get these used- thrift books or good reads or your local used book store. (I will mention Dr. Levine was a physician that meant a great deal to our family. If you are familiar with the name or happen to search the name – there are many articles that will come up about allegations that unfortunately overshadow the incredible work he did. We strongly believe the allegations are false and know that Dr Levine was devastated by them and the discrediting it did to the work he and his colleagues had worked to achieve. I am extremely saddened that this took him down to a place where he felt like he was unwanted here on earth. His advocacy for the voice children and adolescents, the important role of parents in advocacy, and the advocacy of educating teachers in how to be equipped to teach those with learning challenges, is an influence on our family that I will be forever grateful for.)
