When the First Time is Also the Last Time
Seven years. This picture was taken seven years ago, after my nephew’s PK concert at his school. Some days it seems like yesterday. Other days it seems like my whole lifetime.
It just started storming here at my home and it’s a bit crazy because it was storming the night of this performance. Do you ever have memories that have such vivid pictures when you close your eyes? There are so many details I can remember about this night. It was so bittersweet.
My niece wanted us to sit up close to the front, so we did. I had Lucy in my Ergo carrier while also trying to set up my video camera to video my nephew’s concert. Lucy was wide-eyed and doing everything she could to see all the children. So excited that as the concert started, her diaper REALLY needed to be changed! So I passed her to my mom, who offered so kindly to go change her. Except that plan wasn’t approved by Lucy. Once my mom and her hit the door she let out a scream and didn’t stop! So bad diaper and all, my mom held her at the back of the chapel until it was over 😊 Otherwise, she was going to let her voice be heard during the concert too!
My nephew wasn’t feeling great, but he did his best, singing and dancing. I just love this age, so unpredictable, so much personality bursting. He had artwork and his classroom to show us, so we walked with him and took pictures. My niece worked her magic with Lucy, singing and bouncing and holding her (as seen in today’s picture).
There are certain moments during the short time Lucy was in my arms that I can recall so much detail that I wonder why I can’t recall all our days together in this way. However, there are a few reasons why this moment memory I believe sticks in my heart and head, and they all have to do with the first and the last time.
This was her first and last audience she would be apart of for her cousins performances or graduations. She had only one first and last time to see her cousin play basketball. And only one first and last time to see her cousin play soccer. For five years, every time I went to a performance, graduation, game, recital, I would think about how fun and exciting it would be to come and cheer on her cousins, and have her cousins do the same for her.
The school was having a book fair. I don’t like turning down an opportunity to buy children’s books! But it was storming and we had a 30 minute drive. I believe it is the only book fair I have ever walked by and not stepped one foot in. It was the only one Lucy had the opportunity to go with me to. And I know this sounds silly to most people, but I hate that I missed having this memory. I have been to many book fairs in the same school with my niece and nephew, bought many books, for ourselves and for their classrooms. We always put their names in the ones we bought for their classrooms, and I missed the one opportunity for Lucy’s name to be spoken in this school that meant a great deal to our family.
The next day we were headed to stay in the same hotel we stayed at when she was in the NICU, and then after when we were snowed in. And then the following day was Finalization day at the courthouse. I was still amazed it had come so quickly. I was overjoyed for a quick date, because I had never heard of one coming so close to a placement. So to say we were beaming would be correct. We were ready to hit the road and finally get her name legally documented and get her other documents rolling in the system. After the hearing and finalization, we headed to local shops. If you know me I have to find some postcards and local authors and books wherever I go. Especially, for Lucy. About where she was born, the history, fun facts, send her a postcard that she would get when we got home, and send some to my niece and nephew. Here I bookmarked places to return to with Lucy on future trips. I had fell in love with one of the caregivers in the NICU and told her hopefully we could come back at a year old. So we were planning on returning and visiting often. But this would be the only time we would go back and revisit where she was born and the places we called home for a month of her life.
These memories have came flooding back to me over and over these past few weeks as my niece is about to graduate from middle school and my nephew from elementary school. I am so incredibly grateful to be close to them and be apart of their lives. And that they are apart of all of Lucy’s story is a wonderful blessing.
It’s times like this though that I know I have been given a story. A story that has many messages, but today, I want to encourage everyone reading to embrace these memories, these moments, the present. Forget the whirlwind of a world spinning around you, and focus in on the moment. It might be the last. It may not be, but you definitely don’t get this very moment back. So squeeze every bit of life out of it you can! I guarantee you, you won’t regret it!
Life Book of the Week: God is Always With Me (Psalm 139), by Dandi Daley Mackall
