NaNa Brings Me Marshmallows
“People say I’m ‘good with kids.’ But really I’m just a grown-up who vividly remembers how positively and deeply it affects a child to be treated with kindness and respect. I just make sure to offer the same to every child I know.” – Nancy Kopman
School days. There are not many days that I can remember that I wasn’t eagerly waiting for the day to be over, and the time had arrived for me to line up for “car riders.” I can still feel this overwhelming deep breath. The sight of a gold mini van, or wood panel mini van, or green volvo station wagon, or white Nissan, or wood panel jeep, or S-10 truck, or a Ford Explorer. The feeling of comfort coming so soon, and if a snack wasn’t in the car, there would be one soon after. This wasn’t always the case, with my brother going to another school, in another city, for a year or two I had to go to afterschool for a wee bit. Then my grandparents moved back to town during the weeks, and these days either I or my brother was picked up by them.
I have been seeing posts about car pick up lines, mostly funny, but a few that can cross the line. But I’m not here to patrol this more than it already is. It’s already a very tense ordeal for some folks. Oddly enough, this has never been one of those things that creates stress for me, quite the opposite. I know that I haven’t had to endure it everyday, so this could have changed if this were so. However, I have had my share of pick-up lines, being honked at, yelled at for not moving up fast enough, and so on, which only make me laugh and never help the situation.
The first pick-ups I can ever remember doing were preschool, pre-k and kindergarten pick-ups for families I kept. Preschool pick-ups are pretty low key, park and go in and wait for your little one to spot you, and loose their mind that someone different is there to pick them up, either cry or smile! Pre-K, Kindergarten and up, things start to get tricky. When I was keeping kids, these were usually spontaneous, meaning I would get a call or would be at their house and one of the parents would say, “Do you mind going to pick up _____?” And of course I loved picking them up! Just didn’t like dropping off! 😕 The family I did this for the most, had two boys (now grown men), one in school and one who would be taking a nap right before pick up, and he loved his naps! So nine times out of ten, I would try to wake him up, but most of the time carry him to the car, buckle him in, he would wake up for a few minutes, ask for some music, and then back to sleep. When I pulled up to the school and would see his brother waiting for me to get to him, I would try to calmly say his name and play with his feet to wake him up, but he would always be out! Then brother hopped in the car and nap time was over!!! And the scenes that played out in my rearview mirror…. priceless! Some days smiles, some days furrowed eyebrows. And then one day I said, “yes,” to stopping at TCBY. And of course every time I picked him up from school we HAD to go to TCBY. These are lessons and memories I will hold forever.
So when it came to my niece and then my nephew, pick-ups were the highlights of my week. You could say I lived for them. I’m so grateful to my brother and sister-in-law for this time with them! I absolutely love being an aunt! There is absolutely nothing like quietly walking up to a sleeping baby or toddler, and getting down on their level, whispering their name, and with sleepy eyes, them realizing someone was there to pick them up. This is the PUREST of JOY! Or peeking through a tiny window to watch them eat snacks and have conversations with their friends. Or them trying to tell you everything that had happened in their day, not sure at all what they are saying, but taking in every single syllable.
When my niece was in preschool, my mom and I would pick her up from school a couple days a week, always have some marshmallows in the car, and most days take her somewhere for a snack, and do a little Bible Study of sorts, and then get her dressed and ready for dance class.
A year or two later, she started going to another school for Pre-K, and her brother was born, my nephew, and he went to her old school. When he was no longer a baby, aka was on the move, we began picking him up on the way to pick her up. Somehow we managed to keep him in the carseat while I would go in and pick her up from her classroom, until he caught on- hints the picture today. But he started saying something on the car ride that we still say to this day, in between his school and hers. He would say, “my sister, my daddy, my mommy, my sister, my sister.” He wasn’t going to let us forget his sister! And we would never! Neither of them would go too long without talking about the other😊 He also began getting a cup of mini marshmallows.
Then COVID hit and school pick-ups stopped. When they resumed, there was no more going inside to pick up Pre-k and Kindergarten, all kids were picked up in the car pool line. Well by this time my dad had retired, so we would have a whole crew arriving for pick up! We usually were within the first five cars in the “early line up” line 😂. And if you know my niece and nephew, you can tell them one thing in the morning and they forget by the time they get to school, 80% of the time, I guess most kids do. So when they would come out to the line, they would be searching and searching for who was picking them up, and then they would spot us. As Mister Rogers says, “It’s such a good feeling, a very good feeling.” The smile, smirk, whatever the expression, they know you have arrived. And my hope is that they know they will be comforted, loved, welcomed, embraced, and safe.
They just started middle school and high school this week. And both have after school activities, which is what they are supposed to do as they grow and learn who they are. But pick-ups are very few. It makes the days that we had the honor and pleasure of picking them up, listening to whatever they needed to say, tell, or fulfill any reasonable requests that they had, incredibly special and treasured in my heart, mind, and soul for a lifetime.
Not to mention the few times Lucy had the pleasure of being in on these pick-ups, which made for a packed car full of a lot of love!
To the parents and caregivers of all kinds who are already weary of car lines: I see you. Your feelings are valid and they are okay to have and feel to the fullest extent. These days are only for a short while. After school activities come faster than you can imagine. If I could encourage you to do one thing, it would be to focus on your child’s face, make sure you are looking at them when you pull up to pick them up.
To those who have infants: I see you. Babies need a lot. It’s okay to say that you are tired or weary. It’s okay to ask for help. If I could encourage you to do one thing a day, it would be to make sure you are having time with your baby doing nothing else but watching, talking, observing, playing with no milestones or goals or distractions in the way. And an additional encouragement: snap a few pictures of one of their features (eyes, nose, mouth, ear, fingers, toes, etc) these will be priceless. Trust me.
To those who have middle/high schoolers: I see you. It’s an every second changing world to keep up with. If I could encourage you to do one thing, compare your daily habits to those of your child, see which ones they may be developing by example, and which ones are being influenced by others. This is the age when these things really show up. None of us ever want to admit this at this age, but it’s true. 😉
One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten was this: “NaNa brings me marshmallows.” It’s as simple as that.
Life book of the week: You’re Missing It!, by Brady Smith
