When “Showing Up” Looks Different

“I’m learning to love the pauses, the quiet stretches, where nothing much is happening, but everything feels okay.” -Unknown

The man in the picture above, my Paw-Paw, is the closest thing to being a “show up” legend for his grandchildren and even other children he loved! He wasn’t perfect, and he wouldn’t want to be seen as such. But when he started to get to weak to make his two a day visits to my grandma in the nursing home, it was a huge sign that he was extremely tired and his body was giving out.

He worked in human resources for quite a while at the end of his working career, and the stories that we received when he passed were treasures. However, they didn’t surprise us a bit. He saw the best in everyone and believed that everyone had potential, and that everyone deserved a chance.

All my grandparents, which all lived close by, were great to show up to things when they could. Recitals, swim meets, races, programs, when my brother or I wanted something like food or movie when we were sick, they were there. They were there for all the in between times too.

All my life I knew that this is how I would want to be for kids: my kids (Lord willing), others kids, my nieces and nephews (Lord willing). I knew this was the desire of my parents hearts too. And for many years I was able to be physically present – soccer games, recitals, programs, graduations, etc. Those years are such extraordinary memories that will be forever kept in my heart and mind.

Then came a season that no one could physically show up to anything, and we all got creative. It was a challenge, but I think we all did some pretty amazing “showing up” without physically being in each others presence, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and all showing up for each other.

Of course, I am thankful this wasn’t something that had to be permanent, but I did think we all had something to learn from this time. And no, I don’t mean how to point fingers more effectively, although, today as I write this, I do think this may be what we have learned to do best- which ticks me off! Some of the lessons I had hoped we had all learned:

Slowing down is not a bad thing
Staying/being at home is not punishment, or disgraceful, it’s a blessing. Be thankful for it.
The quarantine life was not all that new to people with chronic diseases. (We would have had to “shut down” our lives during this time if our leaders did not.) Flu, RSV, Norovirus, and the list goes on- when these are circulating, our antennas are heightened and we have to be super careful. Because what a virus or infection can do to a healthy person is one thing, what it can do to someone with a compromised immune system is some serious complications and additional infections and viruses.
We, for the most part, learned to adapt. Online groceries, huge improvement! Refills on prescriptions through apps, this improved! We learned new talents and put them to work.

These are just a few of the lessons I personally realized and learned from the time of COVID shutdown. Unfortunately, most all of the good has now been twisted and made to work for the politician who wants to win.

What breaks my heart is that since then, what I thought our biggest lesson we learned, being considerate, is almost nonexistent now, it makes physically showing up more difficult than ever before. Let me try to explain how, while knowing it’s hard to actually comprehend this without actually living it every day…

I’ll start with something simple, masks. I honestly wish this was a recommendation by the CDC earlier in my life! There is no telling how many viruses I could have avoided, at least the severity, when I was little and going to the pediatric clinic in the BASEMENT of Duke clinics. The waiting rooms were always swamped, because all pediatric patients were seen in one clinic. Now, I wear a mask to every doctors appointment, for myself, for my mom’s health, and for the sake of others. I get that it can feel like it’s closing in on you, but I encourage you to try multiple kinds! Just a suggestion.

Vaccines. I’ll take the eye roll that you maybe just gave that word, I’m quite sick of it too. 1. We know they work. Polio was gone. Measles was wiped out. Chicken Pox non existent. These are only a few. I saw new lies about the Tetanus shot – so beware- not getting this one and then coming in contact with something – can lead to BAD infections! 2. We know there are side effects- and they are well documented. If you are concerned, read the flyer they hand you when you get the vaccine. 3. We know who is potentially at risk for acquiring certain conditions if given a certain vaccine or vaccine with a certain ingredient. 4. I would advise you to never go blindly into getting a vaccine, nor would I advise anyone to get a Doctor’s consultation, test, lab, or take a medication, if you do not know what it is for, why you need it, and the basics of what you should expect. I would advise that you don’t google every detail- (if you want to look up information- I put some links at the bottom of this post.)

Here’s my suggestion for consideration, I know some people have reactions, and valid reasons to not get some vaccines, but my ask is for anyone not getting vaccinated, consider wearing a mask, avoid public places and doctor’s offices (especially specialty) when you feel sick, and when attending events please don’t attend sick! Think about the rule of schools: No temperature or symptoms without the aid of medication for 24-28 hours before going into public. This rule would be a great consideration for everyone! Vaccinated or not- it’s the best for you and others if you get well before exposing others and potentially exposing yourself to other things.

The things we missed due to the Covid shutdowns were hard. And honestly, I couldn’t imagine how it could get any harder, the art of “showing up” physically vs the art of “showing up” in other ways. I didn’t realize how much of my heart would be broken. How much our nation would actually go in reverse, and how we would so quickly forget how horrible and awful this ever changing, ongoing virus was and is. I don’t know your view on all this, but what I do hope is that you actually find the facts for yourself, from credible medical sources. Bottom line: People died.

I deeply longed to be able to show up in all kinds of ways for kids and friends in my life. There’s something special about performing and looking out or up and seeing that familiar face that showed up. These memories are priceless.

Sometimes “showing up” takes on a new meaning, you must get creative, challenge yourself. When you physically are not able to show up, because of health, distance, or other circumstances it’s difficult to swallow. This has gradually become my reality more and more since Covid. At first, people were pretty cautious and were aware of being sick, not just with covid symptoms but with any sickness. I would even get “warning” texts letting me know if someone had been sick before I attended a party or gathering. But that lasted only a little bit. Now, it’s just a flippant comment, “I have covid.” “Oh yeah, I’m recovering from the flu.” “I had the norovirus yesterday.” “I think it’s just allergies/sinus infection.” And because you don’t know where people are in terms of thoughts on anything these days, you just don’t ask questions. Although your brain is firing questions like, did you take a flu/covid test? did you go to the doctor? Yesterday? How long ago did you test positive? It seems as if the “norm” is that everyone has their own opinion and we should all be okay with our own opinion whether it affects others or not. Well, yes we can have our own opinion, but considering others should be a given, correct or am I out of line?

Anyways, showing up, that’s what all this is about today. One of the greatest honors of my life was to show up for my niece and nephew and all the kids I loved, when and where I could. During the shutdown of 2020, we went over a month not seeing my brother and his family. And I thought I was going to crumble to pieces. Then their graduations, could only be attended by parents. All their programs were cancelled, rightfully so, but still sad. As the shutdown lifted, we were able to see them more and show up to more things. Unfortunately, due to health and lack and forgetfulness of public understanding of risk of what viruses and infections can do, we are not able to attend in person as much again. So I have challenged myself with, How do I show up without physically showing up? And the biggest challenge was I didn’t want it to always involve having to pick up a screen. So…

Postcards: Scripture, prayers, little note to say I love you
Snail Mail Little surprises: These things may end up in the trash, and that’s okay, the point is, I’m thinking about you, and this reminded me of you, and I love you. Ideas: stickers, washi tape, beach balls or any kind of inflatable (deflated of course), chip bag clips, miniature animals. Target clearance or $1 section is always a good place to look. I also like supporting local/small toy stores or small online shops- and you can find things for one, two, three dollars that are easy to mail.
Screen/Digital: text, Instagram, silly digital cards, old pictures and share memories.
For showers and parties and gatherings: I have to access the time of year, what the status of health is in my home, and go from there. These are hard choices.

It’s hard to not see the people I love as much as I would love to. I love celebrating. I love seeing “my kids” aka the kids who are grown now, that I kept when they were kids. I love seeing how they have grown and become adults. I knew that my niece and nephew would get busier as they grew, and they indeed did. That’s what is supposed to happen. I just didn’t predict the circumstances of what showing up would look like. And it is okay, it will be okay. I am slowly accepting it. I have always accepted that no one will ever understand me fully except my Heavenly Father, and that’s just fine with me.

A question we used to ask my niece and nephew before we would go into a store or restaurant or anywhere was, “What does considerate mean?” And they would respond, “Others matter, and I matter.” I ask myself this question a lot, just to do a heart check. It covers a lot of “heart ground.”

How do you show up for the littles, the grown, and the elders in your life?

Life Book of the Week: Edge of Medicine: Vaccine Breakthroughs, by Mayo Clinic Press Kids. The whole Edge of Medicine/Breakthroughs series is awesome!

Another way we can show up for the next generation is to speak truth in love. I will leave this to Russell Moore: https://www.christianitytoday.com/newsletter/archive/moore-to-the-point-11-5-2025/