Pain.

“Even the tide retreats, not in defeat, but to gather its strength. You are allowed to pause. You will return stronger.”

Dipendra Tamang

I took a bit of an unexpected pause the past two weeks. And for those of you who are not on Instagram, I had a little toe procedure that knocked me off my feet. Yes, it didn’t affect my hands, but between the balancing of elevating my foot and trying to balance a computer on my lap, I decided that wouldn’t be the best choice. Especially since this toe had gotten in the situation it had gotten in- due to dropped bowling balls, laptops, fully loaded grocery carts, you name it, this toe has been the direct target on them all. I won’t get into the gross details, I am just thankful for a very decisive primary care doctor. I will have a funny looking toenail, but the pain has subsided and it is on the path to healing!

Pain. It comes in all varieties, shapes, sizes, intensities. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. No one really has the same exact experience with pain.

Example: I did what I literally never do, in the midst of pain, I looked up the procedure done to my toe to see what could help relieve the pain. WRONG thing to do! 1. Because I know better. 2. If I had gone the route that most people do- go to podiatrist or surgical center- I would have been in trouble. My Doctor was completely capable and I had complete confidence in her. The results of my search, though, were all from doctors and patients who had localized anesthesia, and their foot was pretty much fully numb during the whole procedure. I wanted mine over and done. Plus she had worked me into her schedule. So nerve blockers and some topical anesthesia, and the cutting began. When asked a few minutes in, “how are you doing?” I responded, “maybe you should ask my sweatshirt!” FYI: my doctor knows me well enough that she burst into laughter. I was gripping my shirt so hard my palms were sweating. Thankfully my mom was in the room and slipped me a Clinging Cross quickly, which was much better than my shirt! That part was definitely the worst, but the hours and days later were full of pain. You never know how much you rely on your toes, until you can’t rely on them! Take care of them!

I’ve had many weird, out of the ordinary physical pain. I’ve been told I’m just constipated, only to find kidney stones. I’ve gone through sinus CTs and ENT exams for years being told I was having sinus headaches only to find out I, indeed, was having migraines the whole time. Medicine has come a long way. We are all human. I give lots of grace.

Pain hurts. Pain makes an impression. Pain makes you pause. Pain can make you question. Pain is very real.

I’ve been pondering this word for a few days. Not only my own pain, but the pain that surrounds and affects us all. We all have pain. We are all broken. We are all human. We have to recognize this. We have to acknowledge our own pain and the pain of others in order to love and have relationships and thrive in the world.

Sometimes we inflict the pain, unknowingly. I know I do. I am quick to be sarcastic, and I am working on that- or rather Jesus in me is working on that!

Physical pain is tough to hide, although you can hide some levels of it, I don’t advise hiding it!

Mental, emotional, and spiritual pain is easier to hide, push down, bury- until something unveils it or it decides to spew. Why do we like to hide this kind of pain? Fear, shame, protecting others feelings? How do we become so “good” at hiding the pain from others seeing that it is there? Speaking for myself, when I look in the mirror on a painful day- I see it in my face- tired, rugged, eyes weary. The people closest to you should be able to say, “something is not okay.” And we should be able to say, “yea, I’m not okay.” Even if we aren’t ready to talk, at least someone knows there is something stirring inside you.

I feel like we have gradually lost this in my life on this earth. Eye contact, studying faces, body language, unconsciously doing so, because it just how you have conversations and relationships, it’s faded. My family, grandparents, my teachers, my friends, people in authority that loved me, they could see when I wasn’t feeling well, or something was bothering me, and they spoke up. (of course there are always the ones who question your pain too, but that’s a different post for another day) I’ve been in child care, it’s not as easy as it seems. But the fear that I observe today in our teachers and child care providers, which is completely valid, to speak up or report anything about their students, scares the poo out of me! Sorry, it does! The limits put on them, the stressors, the dos and don’ts of what they can and can’t report to the parents is alarming! Life and death. Little things that aren’t addressed will lead to bigger things. I remember reading an article when I was keeping kids, that presented the thought, correct the behavior at a young age, and be consistent, and avoid the call from a jail cell for them talking back and arguing with a police officer. This has stuck with me. “Correct” doesn’t mean to inflict pain, just in case you are thinking I am implying that. “Correct” means what works for the individual child- and that is also a whole other post, but not pain.

I see a lot of pain, hurt, disappointment in our world – this is nothing new. It’s been like this since the beginning. There have been times when it’s been encouraged to share, and times when it’s been encouraged to suppress, and history tells us the story of those times. Let us learn from history. I don’t have the solutions to curing the world’s pain. But I have a challenge for myself and each of you: take five minutes and study the face of someone you are in conversation with, and take five minutes to study the face and body language of a conversation on the news or reality tv. Simply Observe. I believe this lightens the load for all of us. Just give it a try.

Life Book of the Week: I Went Visiting, by Sue Williams

This picture today is the tree that was outside my childhood bedroom window. I loved this tree! It was huge and shady. It’s where we would have picnics, and take a pause…