Be Human. Be Real.

Babies. I know not everyone shares my overjoy and love of the tiniest humans among us, but allow me to share some perspective from what makes my heart come alive.

First, my Lucy would have been eight this year, so I would still be in the midst of raising my girl and loving to learn about whatever she was loving at the moment. But she is with Jesus and He still has me on this side of Heaven, so he has more work to be done in me, for sure! In the past few years I have been able to watch quite a few of the children I kept get engaged, married, and some even have babies! Celebrating babies and children is obviously a strength for me (and sometimes a weakness- I want to get them everything!). The joy of welcoming a new little one into this world is absolutely the purest joy I can imagine! And to see these children, now become moms and dads, it thrills me! What a blessing beyond measure!

Let me make clear, no part of parenting or really any part of life, will I ever make to seem like it all sunshine, roses, rainbows, and unicorns. There are the diaper blowouts, the crying that you can’t figure out what’s wrong, the moments you just need to step away, the moments you need to scream into a pillow or something like it, or throw something. Please scream, throw, cry, laugh, step away (all within reason- and with the child safely secure) when you need to, this will keep you and your child and home safer! If these things don’t work- seek out a doctor’s help or counselor!!! Don’t hesitate!

I’m not sure why I have a desire and love to observe and learn babies and toddlers. It quite possibly be because it’s just that- you must observe and learn. Every child is different. Babies and toddlers have limited ways of signaling their wants and needs. Some books help in knowing the difference between cry and whimper, but truly your gut is the best tool you have as a parent/caregiver.

I’ve been encouraged over the past few months by how many young parents have said they’ve thrown out “going by the book.” Not that advice is not helpful, but sometimes we get so much advice that it becomes hard to discern what is my reality/best for my child vs what have others influenced me into believing.

Let me give you a few that I had to “let go” of: (of course they are still great practices, but not always the best for your individual child.)

• “Back is best” Yes, it’s proven this lowers the chances of SIDS. But Lucy, no matter what, would always roll to one side or the other in her sleep. So instead of her rolling all around, most days I made “wedges” behind and in front of her and then tightly wrapped a swaddle around whatever she was sleeping in, so it would move. She slept in my bed with me at night, and during the day she was either in a basinet or in a bed or being held.
• “Let them Cry It Out” A lot of people swear by this, and their children are awesome. I hear a cry or scream from across a restaurant and I have to restrain myself. I am all about letting children feel their emotions and feelings, but at this baby/toddler age, are we to expect them to already know how to regulate wants, needs, emotions? How will they know who they are to trust to meet their needs, and who to go to with their emotions? That’s just me. My girl was good at expressing her feelings, so she hung out in my kangaroo pouch quite a bit.
• “Routine” Oh dear, I don’t know if this is just from the way I have had to survive or how much I longed for her to arrive or the fact that she was in the NICU, probably a combination of both, but let’s just say Lucy was priority- eat, sleep, bath, pamper, lotion, etc. When she was hungry, she got a bottle. When she was sleepy, she slept- and most of the time I did too. When someone would say, “I don’t want to interfere with her schedule,” and would giggle because she never really had one. I mean she eventually took two-three naps, and was eating baby food two-three times a day, with bottles throughout the day, but nothing that was “mess-up-able.”

I am no mom of the year, never strived to be. My mom always said this to us growing up, even though I did try to nominate her! But until I became a mom, I didn’t really grasp it. “Mom of the year” does everything by the book, and 99% of the time her kids suffer. She presents herself as perfection, she cooks, cleans, disciplines, works out, joins clubs, the PTA, is the chauffeur to all activities. I nominated my mom for Mom of the Year at the Eagles Nest- a kids clothing store at our local outlets, when I was in elementary school. I don’t remember what I wrote or what I drew, I just remember that I had to do both, and then I remember my dad taking me to turn it in. The counter seemed HUGE as I walked up and turned it in, with all confidence in the world that my mom would absolutely be the winner! I’m not sure what the prize was, possibly a gift certificate to the women’s clothing store outlet that was the same brand, which my mom loved. She didn’t win their mom of the year, but let’s just say she wins mom of the moments- far better than one stinkin’ year!

Those who know us, truly know us, know our expressions, our body language, our chin quivers, and our cries. There is something so holy about that first cry coming from a baby! Even the ones after, those that alert you that they are awake, hungry, tired. They all have their reason.

The thing I love most about the cries of babies is they are all unique to the individual. Some babies have gentle and petite cries. Some are very vocal- they can hit ranges never heard before. Some have more whimpers than true cries with tears. But all have distinct sad, mad, hurting, hungry, wet/dirty, want to be held cries.

Don’t we all? Some of the most treasured moments and memories that I have with Lucy, is her in my kangaroo pouch carrier, walking and bouncing and dancing around our library, singing, crying together, praying Jesus we need you! Her sweet brown eyes looking up into mine, and it was like she was saying, “you have tears too mommy?” And indeed I did. This is a lifelong gift we can give our children- let them see us at our weakest, raw, no hiding, talking to Jesus, talking to them- being human, being real.

Life Book of the Week: Bedtime for Mommy, Amy Krouse Rosenthal