Lament. Grief. Tears.

What comes to mind when you think about these words?

Today, I type through tears, because life hits sometimes and you just need to cry. (I might have been just wondering why He is asking me to blog, bc I am having to ask for a lot of patience!) As my Mom is always reminding me, “God wouldn’t have formed the tiny tear ducts if he didn’t think we needed tears every now and then.” And honestly, since watching my Lucy be in such pain, then have supernatural peace to her having her eyes set on the sky, the day Jesus scooped her up, my tears come faster and no matter what emotion! Its a very wonderful thing!

Lament: is defined as “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow; a song, piece of music, or poem expressing sorrow.”

Grief: is defined as “deep sorrow, sadness.”

That’s how the dictionary defines it… but I have found that lament and grief are much deeper, wider, and much more of an experience that should not be rushed.

Pain. Joy. Hard. Bittersweet. Struggle. Happy. Passion. Fight. Love. Laughter. Discouraged. Lonely. Surrounded. Near. Far. Open. Closed. Silence. Screams. Touch. Longing. Questioning. Faith. Weeping. Wailing. Breath taking. Dazed. Engaged.

I have days, sometimes weeks or months, when the absence of my little girl takes on a physical aching. It literally effects my muscles, my energy levels, and my health. And sometimes it takes a mental or emotional aching, sometimes all at once, sometimes just one, but it’s all these words above and more!

I have watched many run ahead to Jesus, young and old, babies to the elderly. I grieve these losses deeply! However, there is something different when it is your child. I have met so many parents who have children that ran ahead, that say the very same thing. It’s just different. As a parent, you have almost a fight or flight response. If I am honest, I kind of had both. Flight, in the way that I just wanted to bury myself in everything she every wore or slept with. And fight, to say her name everyday, to keep her memory alive, to remind myself that I would continue to be her Mommy. I definitely have more fight-til-the-very-last-second days, but there are days I’d rather wrap up in her blankets.

Just an example of things I have been grieving and lamenting this week: (top 5)

1. The absence of Lucy with me, but the assurance of her presence with the Risen Lord!!!
2. Hearts of Children- confusion, hurt, struggles, fears
3. Medical Mamas and Dads – the world around them continues “life” but their world is at a complete halt.
4. Russia Adoptees and their families
5. Children/parents that have cut off contact with their parents/children because of disagreements or unhealthy habits. This is a loss that is in a whole other category!

All come from a place of life experience. I personally believe there are big and little things that we will continue to grieve and lament for life. It’s not all hard and dark. So let me ask you, Who will you trust, to take the heavy and clear the dark away? Will you let the tears fall and tilt your head up? Because when you look up, you get to finish this sentence…

… for me, “there’s no where to go but UP!” (thank you Mary Poppins 2)