Grief
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Broken Pieces
Let’s start today’s post with some lyrics: " Look at all the broken pieces all around me places deep inside my soul I don't know what's real, can't help the way I'm feeling All I know is I'm alone. I need a rescue, I need a reckoning From all the things I've done and have been don't to me I need a revival, I need recovery I need to know that there's an answer for what's missing cause something's missing Turn up all the music, something to amuse me silence is a lonely friend if you really knew me, could you really love me save me from this loneliness It…
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Doesn’t Anybody Know?
A friend shared this song with me not long after Jesus scooped Lucy up into His arms. And I want to share the lyrics today with you before writing out my thoughts ❤️ I see the lights in the house and the people inside Clearing dishes from the table like it's a regular night And the ones on 12th Street out for an evening walk How can they keep moving when the world just stopped Doesn't anybody know I still run errands still answer the calls Still sit down for dinner as if I'm hungry at all And the election campaigners still come to the door But there's no use…
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Enough.
Have you ever had the thought, “what else?” or “how much more?” Responsibilities, health, to do list, etc. You are spreading yourself thin and then all the sudden it’s as if your body screams, “ENOUGH! Stop! I can’t carry you around one more minute unless you slow down and rest!” If you HAVE been in this place, I hope this post gives you hope from someone in the enough-stop-rest place at this very moment. January is both a joyous and emotional hard month for my soul. So many memories of new beginnings and firsts for me as a Mommy and welcoming my Lucy. And also welcoming many beginnings of new…
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Walking in Truth
I’m back! 😊 I had to take a pause last week to digest some life and celebrate my little girl! I am still a bit foggy, so hang in there with me today! My new year started off with celebrating the coming together in marriage of one of the kids, now a man, and his now wife! I cannot express how honored I have been to be able to witness these “kids,” now mature adults, grow and seek God’s will for their lives! In 3 John 1:4, it says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth.” This captures my every emotion! I…
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Reminders that She was Here
Somedays I see her in every moment. And then somedays I must search, as though she is playing hide and seek, just like I would imagine her as a five year old would be doing. The arrival of Lucy was long-awaited. The running into Jesus’ arms was fast! The in-between was everything I could have ever hoped for and more! I can’t say “gone too soon,” because I know and firmly believe that Jesus doesn’t do things “too soon.” Arrivals and departures are in His hands. In my human nature, yes I have times of questioning and frustration. But the only thing that brings me peace: His promises and laying…
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When Time Stands Still
1825+ days. Praying, advocating, fighting, trusting, tearful begging, consumed with papers and books and research. And then the moment comes… I finally scoop up a beautiful and precious baby girl up and out of her NICU bed and into my arms. Her eyes meet mine. Time stands still. The noise around us goes completely silent. It is just me and her, and in that instant, we are a family. Every ache and pain, all the paperwork, every tear, every single prayer prayed… in that moment becomes absolutely priceless. I would do it all over again for this moment, and the many moments to come. As much as I wanted more…
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Unrepeatable!
Do you ever just take a minute at look at the palm of your hand? Do you realize that absolutely no one else will ever make the exact same handprint that you are looking at? All of the handprint art that children make, are 100% one of a kind! Unrepeatable! In the adoption process your fingerprints especially become an essential part of your home study. Unless they just can’t retrieve your fingerprints, which is possible! One of the first things they do when you are born is make handprints and footprints to document who you are, who you belong to, and all the important information about your birth. I, personally,…
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Three Million New Blood Cells
” Have you ever watched them (children) watch? Their mouths may hang open; they’re not, like adults, aware of themselves- they’re only aware of what they’re watching… And your child is in process, as a person. Every eight days he gets a new layer of skin. Every eight years every cell in his body has become new. Look at that child right now: since this time yesterday he has three million new blood cells.” Children are Wet Cement, Anne Ortlund If the above quote doesn’t stir something inside of you, then my words today may not make sense either. When it comes to babies and children, I am a firm…
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Soul Share
Today, allow me to share with you some friends I have met along my journey in the past few years. If you have been reading along for a bit, you have most likely gathered that we moved from my childhood home in early 2020, right before COVID hit hard. We moved to our lake/vacation home not too far away, while our new house was being built. Side note: Thank you Jesus for providing a lake home all these years, because COVID plus not having space that was familiar would have made this move incredibly harder. Anyways, the closest store for miles is a Dollar General, which we depended on for…
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No Matter What, CELEBRATE!
Last night I revisited a video on my phone, one that I visit often. It is of one of Lucy’s last really good days. She is alert and responsive, seemingly in very little pain and not struggling with her breathing. Indeed she was very weak, but she was still strong enough to engage with us. I took this video to remember the moment and the day that she had just had. Her cousins had come to visit as well as aunts and uncles. You could feel her peace and contentment, even with all the giggling and playing happening all around her, that almost seemed to put her at peace more.…
