Celebrations Together that We Lost…

Here I sit.
Pondering birthdays and parties.
Wondering what you would like and what you would be doing.

And then it hits me like a tone of bricks.
Never will I ever plan a birthday that we will share together.
We celebrate you.
Every year, all throughout the year.
But there is no wish list.
No surprises.
No favorite foods.
Would you like cake, cupcakes, cookies, donuts?
No countdown calendars.
No invitations.
No list of friends to list and to invite.
No squeals as you open presents.
No fill in the blank thank you notes.
No little huffs and puffs to blow out the candles.

Just the memory of giving you a tiny taste of icing
only a few days before Jesus scooped you up in His arms.
You did smack your lips.
And that is a very good memory!

Oh we would have so much fun!
You would get to pick the theme and
Mommy would do her best to make it the best party ever!

I've been to so many littles birthdays!
I never thought of not having any of yours without you here with me.
Some days it feels like I prepared myself for so many medical and possible circumstances that could be "never-happens." (in the world's mind)
That I left out preparing for all the experiences that could be taken away when those possible "never happens" actually happen.

So tonight Mommy is sad
And that's okay.
Because I simply love you SO MUCH!
I wouldn't have it any other way!

I jotted this down a couple of weeks ago, while thinking about her upcoming birthday. January is Lucy’s birthday month, this year she is 5!

The picture today is of her on her six month birthday, around 1:00 in the morning. We had been home from the hospital for a couple days and she was getting pretty weak. But I was determined we would celebrate 😊 So I pulled out the outfit I had already purchased for her birthday (you can kind of see the little cakes 😊), which was size 18 months, and we dressed her up and sang! Friends called and sang happy birthday too! A family friend brought her a birthday cake, and yes, I gave her a little lick 😊 I’m not sure if it was the icing or the gas drops or medicine, or all the above, but she was very happy. 💕

Today, let me encourage you to: embrace blowing out the candles, no matter how much drool may land on the cake! Take in the squeals of excitement! Hold onto the hand written notes! Welcome the wish lists, no matter how long, in time they will learn limits, but for such a time as this, let them ask! (Especially for grandparents! My parents are one less wish list every birthday and every Christmas, this seems simple, but it is a great loss) Seize the moment to celebrate, for we have only this moment! Squeeze and hold the littles around you, love them, tell them how much you love and care and deeply desire to be with them in the moments!!!

Life Books of the Week: Just In Case You Ever Wonder, by Max Lucado and My Mama Had a Dancing Heart, by Libby Moore Gray