The Legacy of Quality Time

Today, I have the privilege and honor to celebrate my Paw-Paw. Yesterday was his birthday, and if he was still here on this side of heaven, he would have celebrated his 93rd birthday!

Although I miss him greatly, I know we will see him again. Just as my brother said to him on one of his last visits, “Until tomorrow, Paw-Paw.” We are only promised this moment, and he indeed lived in the moment. He took the events that life threw at him and he made the most of the moments.

Just a quick snapshot of some of those life events: 1. his dad passed away when my Paw-Paw was only in his teens – he was the only boy and the oldest of four children – not until the last few months of his life did I realize how much the death of his dad- his responsibility to go get the doctor in town, and the weight of and the circumstances surrounding his passing – truly influenced so many decisions he made. I’m not sure he ever fully realized (or allowed himself to realize) the true impact. 2. When he was 51 years old he had a massive heart attack. The doctors called all family in to inform them of the seriousness of the situation, and the possibility that he would not make it. He did- and he, by God’s help, quit smoking cold turkey, right then and there. He had more grandchildren and great grandchildren to welcome! 3. At the age of 72, he had a second heart attack, while we were at their house, which in hindsight, was a blessing, because he would have been extremely worried about my grandma. But since we were already there, a few went with him to the hospital, and some of us stayed with her. But again, he had more great-grandchildren to welcome! And he did. In all he welcomed 4 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren, and he has gained 3 more great-grandchildren since then! And one of those great-granddaughters just couldn’t wait to join him, so she ran ahead! 😊 (I can’t blame her!)

When I think of the legacy that my Paw-Paw passed on, the thing that encompasses all of him is a legacy of quality time. Every person he encountered had great value to him. He wanted to know you for real. He wanted to make and/or find a connection. He was the connector. He had a passion for people and their stories.

After he retired, you could find him in the mornings at either Hardees, Biscuitville, or Bojangles. He not only loved his “morning crew” at these places, he loved their children, and grandchildren. He didn’t just know their names, he invested his heart in them. One little boy who would come with his grandparents to Biscuitville, loved Nascar. This thrilled my Paw-Paw, and of course he had tons of stories for this little boy, but this little boy also brought him so much joy by just being a kid. He would tell us story after story about his conversations with him. I cannot even count how many kids I never even met, but loved hearing the stories that brought him so much joy.

He was the same with his children’s and grandchildren’s friends, our friends were his friends, and his friends were our friends. Honestly, I believe this is a key reason that I love relationships with all ages, he instilled this in us, not even knowing it!

He was present. He was at all the activities he possibly could be at for us- baseball, soccer, racing, theatre, swim meets, dance, music recitals, graduations, plays- you name it he and my grandma were there. Wholeheartedly cheering us on! Even when I began keeping children, he would come with me to their games!

He was extremely protective of my health. He would fuss at my grandma if she used even the tiniest bit of any Clorox product when I was around, because the doctors told them to keep this away when I was little because of the odor. But for him, that meant forever! He carried me everywhere, for much longer than he should have! I joked with him later in life, that his back issues were from carrying me for so long on our mall trips. However, I wouldn’t trade those days for anything! I remember just snuggling up in his neck when I didn’t feel well, knowing he wouldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do ☺️. He never minded staying inside with me when it was not safe for me to be outside. He would save all the newspaper comics and hocus pocus (spot the differences) and word searches, for when I would come to visit, and I would climb up in his lap in his recliner, and we would do this activities for hours!

As the only granddaughter, I had him wrapped around my finger. (pretty sure my brother and cousins would admit this too.) When I was tiny he and my grandma would take me to Peaches ‘n’ Cream to go shopping for outfits. On one visit, I have been told, I had tried on lots of things, and my Paw-Paw asked me which ones I liked/wanted to get… I said, “I want them all!” If you knew my Paw-Paw, this would have been a time he would have laughed and not been able to stop, and tears would be running down his face! He also encouraged my love of pocketbooks. Every time I would have a virus or would be sick in bed, a new pocketbook would appear 😊. Now looking back, he must have visited Claire’s weekly to check on discounts and sale items- that’s my Paw-Paw. All that mall walking, really was window shopping for his grands and watching the things we wanted until they were the “just right price.”

Quality over quantity. This is forever instilled in me. It’s better to buy it once, than to buy it 20 times. It’s what Indeed!’s line of products were based on and what I desired to deliver to every single customer. And he was one my biggest cheerleaders! He came to every show (sometimes helped set up and tear down) that he could and he even made friends with the show coordinators!

Everything we ever did as his grandchildren, he was there for us. Whether we needed advice, encouragement, support, letters, he was quick to help.

Which leads me to one last story… In 2012, at the age of 82, his health pretty much spiraled, congestive heart failure, and then cancer that we thought was “under control,” was actually a rare form, and had spread. By mid-September he was spent, and with his mind as sharp as it always had been, he decided it was time for hospice. And while he was at the hospice home, a nurse came and told us that she kept thinking, “I know this man!” But everyone always called him Russell, but that was his middle name, so when he was admitted to hospice everything said Kenneth, so the name wasn’t connecting. And by this time he wasn’t able to communicate and also they had taken his dentures, due to aspirating. But she said his kind face just wouldn’t leave her. So she looked at his last name and it clicked. He had hired her when he was working HR at a local company. He had also hired her sister without formally meeting or interviewing her in-person, simply because he trusted her sister and the fact that she desperately needed a job. She told us how much that had meant to her and her sister and how they always remembered his kindness. What can I say after a story like that? That’s my Paw-Paw.

Today’s Picture: Paw-Paw and my brother. Always a teaching moment. Building the dock at our lake home. In the era of short shorts 😂💕

Life Book of the Week: Anna’s Summer Songs, by Mary Q. Steele. A collection of poems given to me by my Paw-Paw and Grandma 💕