I see her in everything.

“Grief has made me look for you in everything around me; the clouds, the wind, the butterflies…”

I see her in the face of the little girl baptized on Sunday. I see her in the birds outside our window. I see her in the flowers blooming, and the colors they bring to the world. I see her in the choices I make, the words I choose. I hear her in the giggles of children. I feel her when I am wrapped in a muslin blanket.

I still have so many moments that I think she is only in the next room, playing hide and seek with my mom. Or maybe she’s planting flowers with my dad. It’s the hopes that I had for her and I – for so long in waiting. And then it hits, sometimes like getting ran over by a bike and other times like a 18-wheeler, but it never fails to startle my whole body. I just want to be with her!

In the last month, this 18 wheeler came for a visit, but it also came with a lightbulb moment that I am still trying to understand and comprehend- although I don’t think I will be able to on this side of heaven. I was weeping, saying, “Jesus, I just want to be where she is, or her where I am. I just want to be together. I’ve longed and asked for this all my life. I’m so devastated.” And then, not in an audible voice, but an overwhelming realization came to me- My first desire must be to be where my Creator is, her Creator, the sole reason we even got to be together. I must long to be with him, the rest of my loved ones who have gone before me and I know I will see again must been secondary to meeting my Creator and Savior first. Big gulp. Why is the so hard to swallow? He is the one who created us and the one who saved us. I have known his faithfulness through life’s ups and downs and in between. Yes, I am eager to see him face to face. However, I know the face of my little one, her cry, her voice, her touch.

So, He is still doing his work on me 😉 my little girl, I believe already learned this lesson…

Tomorrow is the day Jesus scooped her up and into his arms once again. I have wanted to do a butterfly release since I found out about them a few years ago, but I wanted our “butterfly garden” to grow a bit more before I did it. So this was the year… the family owned business was FABULOUS. When I received the box of 12 butterflies today, I immediately got so excited, that I looked at my parents and said, “let’s do it today!” (otherwise we would have had to put them in the refrigerator- pretty neat how it all works) So, excuse my pajamas in the pictures- we are having water issues in these parts of NC.

Of course I forgot to hit record when I opened the box to release them all, but we still captured the beauty of God’s Amazing Creation of Painted Lady Butterflies! I hope you enjoy!