Just a Little Conversation, Please.

In all my years of life, on the vast land that I grew up on, never have I experienced the abundance of “cooing” a mourning dove can produce! When we moved to a neighborhood, the noises were all new to me, and quite an adjustment. (I knew that I was sensitive to noise and light, but it must just be how I am wired, because I am still just as sensitive as I was five years ago.) However, we always had bird feeders close to our house, and all around our house. Front yard, back yard, any where you could look out a window, there was a bird feeder. That didn’t change when we moved. What did change was the amount of space where the birds could visit and the amount of space between each house. AKA the acoustics. Every morning we would hear the loudest bird, hour upon hour calling out, at first we thought there was a bird hurting, then we discovered it was a bunch of doves sitting on the fence. And so I decided to invest in a Bird Buddy Feeder, FYI, best investment ever! Now we name the birds when the pictures come across the app and we can watch them- which is hilarious! The amount of chit-chat that goes on between these birds… priceless. Highly recommend.

How does a mourning dove named Cattie apply to what I want to write about today?

Well, let’s start with something else that I love, words:

DEBATE: (definitions) 1. To argue about; 2. To engage an opponent in debate; 3. To turn one’s mind:to think about (something, such as different opinions) in order to decide.

CONVERSATION: (definition) oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas. (synonyms) Dialogue; conduct.

DISCUSS: (definition) to talk about; to present in detail for examination or consideration. (synonyms) consider; ponder.

QUESTION: (synonyms) inquire; ponder; contemplate.

COMPROMISE: (definition) finding middle ground; meet halfway. (synonyms) cooperation; negotiate; concession.

If you have been hanging in here with me for a while, you know that I am a big believer in no question is too small, too big, and never not worth asking. All questions are valid and should be considered- whether they can be answered or not. Children should have the right to ask, adults should have to right, everybody on God’s green earth has the right to ask questions. Yes, there is a point when the line must be made between respect and disrespect, but for the most part, there is no reason anyone should feel insignificant because of the questions they ask.

Another thing I strongly believe, is that it is very important to read, listen, watch, learn “widely.” By this I mean, don’t always stay in your lane of life- whether it be books, music, news, movies, tv, ways of learning, challenge yourself, expose yourself to things and lifestyles and points of view that are way different than your lane, your beliefs, your life, your bubble. This is how we grow in knowledge and compassion.

It’s no secret that I love to learn- just about anything. People, stories, cultures, etc it all intrigues me. And lately I been thinking about what pops into my head when I hear the words above: debate, conversation, discuss, question, and compromise. Of course this isn’t all coming from no where, first it was the approach of Turning Point and the “Prove Me Wrong” tour, then of course, the whole pointing fingers of the government shutdown. First, let me make clear, we ALL have blood on our hands, as one of my favorite artist says in the song “Cookie Jar.” (Jack Johnson) Second, I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted and will be shaking in the arms of Jesus until next week when I get the prices of possible health care plans that will most likely be astronomical, hitting my knees and running to his arms for everyone who are losing SO much more than I am- this is absolutely devastating.

As I have said in recent posts, the leaders that I grew up knowing could be respected and I could learn from, are very very few now. They are still in “leadership positions”, but they are failing to have conversations, to discuss, and to compromise even a smidge. Which has got me thinking, what did I learn from watching past leaders, and how did they form my opinions and definitions of these words?

I will start with Debate. Actually I’m not too crazy about debates, they tend to be slamming and slashing your opponent. But there is a civil way, a way of respect, a way of debating without having to wash your mouth and my ears and brain out with soap. It’s actually pretty simple, stick to the facts, your views, what you stand for, and cut out the nonsense. Period.

Conversation. Well this seems to be hard for some people who assume they are the source of all information and solutions, I mean why would they need anyone else to tell them anything? But if you recognize that none of us know it all, or understand, and never will – then conversation can only happen with a regular tone of voice and with ears open to hear. The fact is conversations involve opinions, discussions, points of view, agreements, disagreements, sharing, learning, laughter, heartbreak, conversations make up life. When we get in trouble is when we abruptly end our conversations. We lose something no matter what, when conversations end. Sometimes this is needful, due to abuse or neglect or an unhealthy relationship. When it gets us in trouble is when we refuse to make a reasonable compromise.

Compromise. There are nonnegotiable things that I won’t compromise: God created the world. Jesus came, died, is risen, and will scoop up all believers in His time. There are many things that I can work with you on, and this obviously comes easier with age and experience. I used to be really hard headed about moving- never moving from my childhood home, well that wasn’t my choice, I didn’t own that home. Never wanted to not have our family lake home, again not my choice, I didn’t own the home. Compromise doesn’t mean you will be 100% on board, or guarantee that you are not going to be uncomfortable or inconvenience a bit. You, in fact, will be all these things. Compromise means you listen, truly hear, your peers listen, truly hear (all are present-is the first qualification) – and then work together to make the best plan for everyone who will be effected and involved. No, it won’t be easy to swallow. No, it will won’t be perfectly smooth- we are imperfect humans. But there is communication- our mouths are working and our ears are being used, and our hands and fingers can have a break from all the pointing and finger wagging.

So what have I gathered for myself from pondering these words? Conversation has to continue. Debate needs to take a back seat, it’s getting way too heated and is heightening the hate in our world. Questions are always essential to the conversation. Discussion must follow- with consideration and with effort from all involved. And we all need a big ole re-education in what compromise actually is. Because it seems as if we have forgotten it means some, NOT the whole kit and caboodle! (for those not of my generation- this means everything 😉)

Well, that’s my thoughts. I hope somehow you feel less alone, or less “am I the only one saying, ‘what the world?!'” Because I have felt these things – and writing this today has helped because I know there has to be someone out there who is feeling the same way- so this one is for you!

Life Book of the Week: In honor of the monkeys that escaped an overturned truck in Mississippi on the highway this week, this week’s book is: Curious George Goes to the Hospital, by H.A. Rey