Take time to Look Up!

Happy Fall, Ya’ll!

Fall and winter are my happy places 😊. I love the weather, the clothes, the feelings… I could go all day, but I know that most people don’t share my deep love for these seasons, so I won’t drag it out 😂.

Seasons of Life. Some come and go, some come to stay.

It is all in how we choose to welcome them, isn’t it?

The picture above is my niece during our first visit to Build-a-Bear. I love this picture, and when I say love, I am over the moon in love with this picture. Let me tell you why. First, the awe and wonder in her eyes. When do we lose this? Why do we lose this? Second, she is surrounded by choices, surrounded by a mall buzzing and busy, but she is focused. She knew exactly which outfit she wanted and didn’t think twice. Third, I always love the company that children provide. They bring back the awe and wonder, the moments, the simple and important things. Always looking up!

I LOVE being a Mommy! I loved waiting, although hard. I loved every minute of the NICU. I loved being with my Lucy, playing, napping, feeding, soaking in every detail and movement she made. And as devastating as it was letting her go, I am so abundantly happy to be her Mommy! Her life graced me with so many lessons, before she arrived, while she was in my arms, and since she has ran ahead. Here is just a glimpse of the things I have learned since she was scooped up into Jesus’ arms…

Hearing, saying, writing her name gives me incredible, life-giving, heart-lifting JOY! No matter how old, names matter, keep saying their names!
Eternity and Heaven have become more real and closer than ever! I am awaiting with hope and great and urgent expectancy! What a wonderful day it will be!
I have always had a love for God’s Word to be open and taught, I have become more desperate for truth.
The simple act of acknowledging that she existed. And that I am Lucy’s Mommy. When someone does this, it leaves me speechless, simply because the world has this weird thought process that we don’t want to hear or talk about our children, when in fact we really really want to talk about them!
Loneliness is A LOT different. Now I understand my “lonely” is because she was my buddy, and I miss her greatly. She is who I want to experience everything with. This will not be fixed or go away this side of eternity, Lucy fills that space. The loss of relationships since she has been gone, I don’t dwell on these, because if I can’t talk about her, then I can’t bear to have that relationship. She IS my child.
I often cry when I have a migraine or don’t feel well, because she was beside me when she didn’t feel good and when I didn’t feel good she was right there with me. This is a Mommy-Lucy bond, that I lost and will never get over! (And sometimes Swing cries when she doesn’t feel good, because some days at nap time we would make a “Scoops Sandwich,” Swing, Scoops, Mommy, all together 😊)
There are a lot of different types “griefs:” secondary losses: milestones, belongings, memories. disenfranchised: denied the “right” to grieve. And different triggers, which are unique to each individual. (learn more about “griefs” on whatsyourgrief.com)
There are TONS of children grieving the loss of children their own age, on their own. We as adults need to step it up! Be aware! National Alliance for Children’s Grief: nacg.org Children’s Grief Awareness Day: childgriefday.com
So many parents don’t know that they can actually advocate or how to advocate! I respect doctors, nurses, PAs, NPs, all the medical community, but parents do have a say in tests, treatments, etc. I am passionate about this, parents need to know how and when to advocate, and teach their children to do so also.
Loss, died, passed away, scooped up… there are so many other words in the world that we have to dance around, you don’t have to do a dance with these with me. As long as you say her name, you are all good with this Mommy 😊💕

This season didn’t ask to come. Actually, I imagined this season of my life a lot different. I pictured a spunky four year old running and playing and making handprint art. I was SO ready for this season, but within this season of being a Mommy, a quiet and more reflective season came. I’ve learned to welcome it, everyday it’s a choice, and everyday that He gives me, I am honored to continue this season, until we meet again.

Some seasons come and go. Some seasons come to stay, and sometimes have seasons in and of themselves. As my niece’s picture illustrates and as Lucy taught me, take time to LOOK UP!

Life book of the week: Room of Marvels, by James Bryan Smith