Cheers to a Broken World

God of peace. God of sound mind. Not confusion. Not flustered.

I have this picture posted on my desk, and can see it as I write. I look at it often on my phone. For me, it’s the glimpse of Christmas: swaddling cloths, born into a weary world, yet with great hope.

This past year it has been a struggle for me to have a sound mind. I don’t know about you, but it seems like there is a circumstance, or situation, or issue at every turn that either makes the next step more difficult than it already is, or makes it impossible. Don’t get me wrong, there have been highs this year! Many babies have entered this world, and many to come!!! That is ALWAYS the most beautiful news!!!

This year, I just find myself talking to Jesus, saying the words: weary, flustered, fragmented, confused, misunderstood, broken, shattered. One of our pastors that taught this past Sunday gave a reminder that I believe we all need: “2025 we live in a broken world. 2026 we will live in a broken world. This doesn’t change.” I so often get frustrated and have to dial myself back and remember I am part of the brokenness in this world. His scripture was Luke 8:43-48, the passage is about the woman who had been bleeding for years, she knows that if she can just touch the hem of Jesus’ garment, she will be healed. What she doesn’t expect is for him to stop and ask, “who touched me?” and then wait for her to answer. I identify with this story in many ways, but this past Sunday it hit me a bit differently… If I am bold enough to touch the hem of his garment, ask boldly for answers or clarity, etc, am I also willing to step up and claim that it was me who asked and he answered? That I touched and he fulfilled?

I’ll be completely honest, I aimed for a low-key, low-stress holiday season. I purchased most all my gifts and helped my parents gather theirs, and wrapped them before Thanksgiving (with the exception of a few last minute “wishes” from my niece and nephew 😉). We have a three foot tree that we are going to most likely leave up year round. We hung stockings and garland. And did Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family- me, my parents, my brother and his family- simple and what was needful. It was low-key and low-stress for the most part, but for some reason all the migraine triggers that I can’t control- like air pressure, temperature change, etc- decided to wreck havoc! I am so grateful to know what to do and have family around me who trust me to do what I need to do, but it still stinks. I am thankful for daily and rescue medications- so thankful!!!! It takes a lot of work to get to the right ones! But there are honestly gaps of this holiday season that I didn’t have due to pain- migraine and heartache- and the heartache pain is a trigger I also cannot always predict.

The fact that my heartache increases when my head pain intensifies since Lucy ran ahead is something that will forever be with me. I can’t not think about her little head getting heavier and heavier as the days got shorter and shorter. She never stopped looking around, looking at us when we would talk to her. And I barely can have any kind of light when I have a migraine. I am thankful when I think back on the days that she was inconsolable, and how I would strap her in my carrier or sit up in bed and sing and rock her, until whatever it was that I couldn’t see, would settle within her. I am grateful for my mom and dad who were there to do this as well, and have this time and memories with her. Sometimes the tears that pour during these times are cleansing and actually relieve something in my neck and head, and result in some relief.

I was twenty five when I made the leap to begin the official adoption process. I just had my thirty eighth birthday. Lucy was born shortly after my thirtieth birthday- best gift ever!!! She ran ahead before my thirty first birthday. My parents were told the chance of having any more children after my brother was very slim, but five years later I entered fast and almost in the elevator! Miracles- the everyday happenings that this broken world say can never happen, but do happen- they may not be exactly how we imagine, in the time frame we would like, where we would prefer- but they are all around us. They aren’t always rainbows and sunshine, sometimes they are wake up calls to slow down, re-evaluate life and babies running ahead of you into the arms of Jesus, because he has the FULL view. They don’t always appear to us right away, sometimes it takes a while to look back and see, grieve, share, grieve, reflect, have our hearts broken and shattered, but they are still happening and they are still there.

I cannot tell a lie, this year has been tough. It’s had some challenges that will continue into next year. It has heart shattering issues that break me to the core. I won’t be doing resolutions, because I don’t set myself up for any of that. If you can do that, awesome! I have never succeeded, actually I have never kept up with the paper that I wrote what I was supposed to do! I choose to shoot for the daily successes- they are more achievable- plus I can give myself a sticker at the end of each day that I am given and survive- which I indeed do!!! (my calendar is full!)

So no resolutions from me or for me. Just a reminder we live in a broken world, we are apart of a broken world. We have the hope of Jesus and the gift to be able to talk to him and cry out to him at all times. And we have the chance to speak up and say, “I asked. I touched. Let me tell you about it…”

And to all who are able to stay up until midnight, cheers. And to all who will be joining me with a bedtime of 9:00 or earlier, cheers. Write to ya in the new year!

Life Book of the Week: House Finds a Home, by Jen Corace.