The Gift of Release

Release: verb: to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude. Noun: relief or deliverance from sorrow, suffering, or trouble. Synonyms: set free, let go, turn loose, dismiss…

If you have ever battled chronic pain or illness, or a pain or illness that has lasted for an extended period of time, then you will understand what I am going to describe today. If you have not, then I will do my best to give you a picture as close as I can.

It’s no secret that I have migraines, and that I always will. They are triggered by things that I can control, and more of things I cannot. I am grateful for doctors and specialists that have listened and fought for the right medicine and therapies for me, and honestly I am at the best “migraine” health place I have been since elementary school. However, every so often my nerves and vessels like to throw a party in my neck and forget to notify me of the havoc they are about to cause. During the majority of my migraines currently, they last anywhere from 3-8 hours, and medicine, a dark, cool room and rest I can manage to get rid of it. Then there comes one that just hits me and I’m down for days. One of these hit me this past weekend…

I think it started with something I ate, my bad. Then the weather was if-y. The air pressure was all over the place. Storms rolled in and out. I would think I was getting better, I would try to sit up for a while, and back down I would go.

First day, I never like having a migraine, but it’s become a reality that I have accepted that isn’t easy. Missing out on fun things with the people I love hurts. Thankfully I have many people around me who know this reality and understand. So usually when a migraine strikes, there are hard choices to make, but I know pretty quickly what I can and cannot do. And take meds and find a place to rest.

When a migraine starts to proceed into day 2, I am frustrated but I have another rescue option to try after my first 24 hours. So I am begging Jesus, please make this work! Quick note: my migraines before I was seen by a neurologist and we figured out the right medication, would last multiple days-sometimes a week. So I truly have come a LONG way! But there is always that in the back of my mind that I could always land back at the severity of those migraines. And with those I was accompanied by a trash can wherever I went.

When the third day rolls around and the pounding, pulsating, stabbing pain is not letting up, my anxiety tries to pressure me into believing “this pain will never go away.” It echoes in my head. Over and over and over. My heart races. I get hot from head to toe. I try breathing. I am praying, “Jesus I need you, I need you right now!” I weep. My nerves, my patience, my body is past a breaking point that I cannot describe. Words just feel silly.

BUT there is always a beautiful thing that happens. No matter if it’s a “normal” migraine or one of these multi-day migraines. When I decide that I really cannot do the fighting, and that I absolutely need Jesus, and I let go, it’s as if my body says, “thanks.” I don’t get instant pain relief. And the anxiety is always trying to find a way to sneak back in. Sleep doesn’t come right away.

But this past weekend, the word “release” popped in my head when on the final day, my body, my neck and head could do absolutely no more fighting. I was lying in bed, holding my clinging cross, surrounded by Lucy’s scripture swaddles, her little lovies, her baby doll, ice packs on every part of my head, and weighted blanket. I had been breathing in and out, and just saying the name of Jesus, it was all I could manage, and all the sudden I felt my whole body release- all my muscles completely went from intensely tight to relaxed. I didn’t even realize how tight my whole body was! I laid there thinking of the word that popped into my head, “release.” If you have taken any migraine rescue meds, you know the reality of brain fog- so this is three days of migraine rescues- words and clarity don’t just come to you like this. But this word was clear, and I instantly thought- that’s what I have to write about this Wednesday!

After this, I fell asleep and woke up feeling better, not 100%, but better. And the next morning, no migraine. So it has had me pondering that word. It is also interesting, I think, that it arrived at Easter. God released Jesus to the world to be the sacrifice for us all. Jesus gave himself as the sacrifice and asked His Father to forgive, to release us from sin and death.

Then why is it so hard for me to completely release my body to his tender, loving, compassionate, all encompassing care? It makes me ask, what else am I holding onto so tightly that would be so freeing to release?

With this release, comes a great calm, a peace. Not that any earthly person, place, or things can offer. It’s all Jesus. Bottom line. Period. Indeed. Womb to tomb to Eternity. That’s what He longs for every one of us.

Life Book of the Week: That Little Voice in Your Head: Learning About Your Conscience, by Andrew David Naselli