Resting and Remembering
This past week, an older man who had a big impact on my life, passed on to see Jesus. I like to think he is seeing Lucy once again. He was a faithful Sunday School teacher, a radiant and welcoming greeter at a local funeral home, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, and mentor and cheerleader to many. He was always ready with a good funeral home joke to lighten the room. He knew what he believed and didn’t hold back. He started every Sunday with the scripture from Isaiah 9:6, “For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” He and his wife have been such a blessing to me and Lucy and our family. And leave a legacy of faithfulness on this world.
As I have gotten older, and have experienced family and friends passing at different times in life, different causes, I find myself holding tighter to the things that remind me of them, things that remind me of memories made with my Lucy, my family, my friends. For example, the man I am speaking of above, wrote a poem about Lucy and my family, these are the things that have great value to me.
Watching a child run ahead into the arms of Jesus is a messy, snot filled, drop to my knees, help me Jesus daily struggle. Every parent wants to talk about their child, no matter how long they lived on this side of eternity. Some days are better than others, but everyday is a day that she is not here with me.
When it comes to making memories, capturing the moments, tucking them away to remember them later- this is where I thrive. I am challenged to find different ways to mark the moment, the time, the holiday, etc. As I became an adult, this became more and more fun, because I was the little sister and youngest of all my cousins, so they had kids first! From taking pictures to doing crafts, we made lots of memories and had tons of fun! For my niece and nephew, I’ve kept programs and random little things along the way in a box. And had hoped to do the same for Lucy.
When I started officially wait for Lucy, I would always make her whatever I would make for the kids, whether be a craft, or goody bag, etc. Then if she were to arrive, she would be included! I kept all five years of these. I wanted her to know how much she was longed and hoped for. I still have them. In the waiting, I wrote her letters, wrote a journal, started her baby book, did tons of further education on adoption, hair care, culture, etc. After she was born, I had a friend’s husband build a beautiful trunk for her, and it is filled even to this day.
Why do I share this?
A couple of reasons:
- Sometimes in our chaotic world, we forget that our children will one day want to look back and see and say, “Tell me more.” We rely on technology to keep it all together for us, but what if we just got a 3-ring binder and some sheet protectors, and just slid in a few mementos every once in a while?
- I often look at Lucy’s trunk, the shadow boxes that I have made of her favorite things, and question myself, “Is my intentions for keeping these items selfish?” While partially this is true, I am human. A big peace always seems to enter my heart and say, “it reminds you she was here.” Because when you go for days, weeks, months without someone outside of those who you live with actually saying her name, Lucy, you start to wonder, does anybody remember? And of course, I know people do, but the silence becomes a very lonely place, where you need the reminders of emails, notes, little gifts others sent when she arrived.
We are apart of a broken world. Ultimately the government and all things rest on His shoulders. And we rest between His shoulders (Deuteronomy 33:12). I pray that this week you will know, see, and feel this rest. Allow yourself to rest. Allow yourself to feel. It’s a very very good thing.
Life Book of the Week: Every Moment Holy: Rites of Passage “A Companion for Early Adulthood” Link Below (that’s how much I recommend it!)
