Grief
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All You had to do was Ask
“God kept me close and gave me space all at the same time: to ask the questions, to express my anger, to tell him I didn’t understand. He didn’t, and doesn’t, hold it against me or use it to manipulate me into belief. God used this horrific, awful, inexcusable thing that happened to me to replace my shallow faith with one that could, and did, persist through anything. It doesn’t mean the pain hurts less, or that my disability doesn’t still affect my life every single day. It doesn’t even mean the PTSD and the anxiety and fear come any less often. It does mean when those things come and…
- "Life" Books, Adoption, Aunt-ing, Children, Family, Friends & Neighbors, GRANDparents, Grief, Memories, Mommy, Siblings, Single Parenting
Savoring the Memories
“Give me the WILD children with their BARE feet and SPARKLING eyes! The RESTLESS, churning climbers. The wild ones using their outside voices, singing ALL THE WAY HOME. Give me the WONDER-FILLED glorious mess makers DREAMING of mountains and mud, and aching to RUN through the field of stars.” Nicolette Sowder Just this week my mom and I were talking about how much we miss children. Where I grew up there was plenty of space for children to play and explore, it was a child’s dream come true. I can say this because that’s exactly how I felt there. If children were not at our house, we were still close…
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Storm Warning!
Let me start off by saying, I love a good rainstorm! Some of my favorite days and best memories are days with my parents, grandparents, brother, kids I kept, my little girl, my niece and nephew and cousins, just dancing in the rain or simply watching the rain and clouds pass over. Sweet front porch sitting, one of Lucy’s and my niece and nephew’s favorite activities when they were little 😊 Tornados… Hurricanes… these come with the wonderful place I call home. I have watched and lived through many. Loss is always a part of storms and the news coverage and stories afterwards. In 2018, there were two hurricanes that hit,…
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A Resting Place.
How do you release your grip on something that is so close to your heart, soul, and holds years of memories? Letting go of the Physical, Holding on to the Memorable. Loosening our grip on material things, especially when there are memories attached, I find is an extremely difficult thing to do. It is bigger than the place or the object, it’s the things and the people we remember that are connected. This summer is the first summer in my entire life that I have not visited the lake house pictured above. For many reasons my parents decided to sell this lake home this year, and as hard as it…
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To You with Empty Arms
You will never look back on life and think, “I spent too much time with my kids.” Unknown Before you begin reading today, I would just ask you to study the above picture. It’s the good ole’ 80’s florals and fringe on the umbrella. Most likely a new little red wagon. I say new because we had that wagon up until last year! (a good 40 years!) My parents have an inflatable pool and shovels ready, and it also looks like they have the bag packed for the day. My brother on the other hand doesn’t seemed to convinced on this sand and sun thing. However, if you know my…
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Broken Pieces
Let’s start today’s post with some lyrics: " Look at all the broken pieces all around me places deep inside my soul I don't know what's real, can't help the way I'm feeling All I know is I'm alone. I need a rescue, I need a reckoning From all the things I've done and have been don't to me I need a revival, I need recovery I need to know that there's an answer for what's missing cause something's missing Turn up all the music, something to amuse me silence is a lonely friend if you really knew me, could you really love me save me from this loneliness It…
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Doesn’t Anybody Know?
A friend shared this song with me not long after Jesus scooped Lucy up into His arms. And I want to share the lyrics today with you before writing out my thoughts ❤️ I see the lights in the house and the people inside Clearing dishes from the table like it's a regular night And the ones on 12th Street out for an evening walk How can they keep moving when the world just stopped Doesn't anybody know I still run errands still answer the calls Still sit down for dinner as if I'm hungry at all And the election campaigners still come to the door But there's no use…
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Enough.
Have you ever had the thought, “what else?” or “how much more?” Responsibilities, health, to do list, etc. You are spreading yourself thin and then all the sudden it’s as if your body screams, “ENOUGH! Stop! I can’t carry you around one more minute unless you slow down and rest!” If you HAVE been in this place, I hope this post gives you hope from someone in the enough-stop-rest place at this very moment. January is both a joyous and emotional hard month for my soul. So many memories of new beginnings and firsts for me as a Mommy and welcoming my Lucy. And also welcoming many beginnings of new…
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Walking in Truth
I’m back! 😊 I had to take a pause last week to digest some life and celebrate my little girl! I am still a bit foggy, so hang in there with me today! My new year started off with celebrating the coming together in marriage of one of the kids, now a man, and his now wife! I cannot express how honored I have been to be able to witness these “kids,” now mature adults, grow and seek God’s will for their lives! In 3 John 1:4, it says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth.” This captures my every emotion! I…
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Reminders that She was Here
Somedays I see her in every moment. And then somedays I must search, as though she is playing hide and seek, just like I would imagine her as a five year old would be doing. The arrival of Lucy was long-awaited. The running into Jesus’ arms was fast! The in-between was everything I could have ever hoped for and more! I can’t say “gone too soon,” because I know and firmly believe that Jesus doesn’t do things “too soon.” Arrivals and departures are in His hands. In my human nature, yes I have times of questioning and frustration. But the only thing that brings me peace: His promises and laying…
