this little one calls me Mommy…

I left you hanging on the last post, that there would be one more “little” to come… (for such a time as this :)) There are two things I want to define before I embark on this incredible journey today, “miracles” and what I tend to refer to as “never happens.”

Miracles, definition by a ragamuffin (me): when i use the word “miracle,” every person is a miracle. The fact that God knits us together and created a space for us to grow for 9 months, safely, is a miracle! There are miracles happening everyday, every moment, you just have to open your eyes to them. They don’t have to be world wide wonders and medical breakthroughs, although those are amazing. They can be the daily reality of getting out of bed, encouraging someone on your heart, small deeds that you may never know someone needed.

Now “never happens,” are what you constantly hear on the news, in time of crisis, or diagnosis, or death of a loved one. They usually go like this, “I never thought this would happen to …” I honestly have seen, heard, witnessed too many of these situations personally, to ever be confident enough to make these statements. I have seen newborns to very wise older mentors run ahead. I have experienced loss of those who would be viewed as “gone too soon.” Cancer. Chronic Illness. Unexpected Diagnosis. Accidents. Bottom line, “never happens DO happen.”

Now all of these definitions do matter in the story of the journey of my little one… let me set the scene for you…

2012: 24 years old. Single. Ready to be a Mommy since the day I was born! So I started researching and praying, really feeling a growing love for adoption, the moms who choose to give life, and the fire in my heart started exploding… unfortunately, the world doesn’t blink an eye at a couple that’s in their 20s and have kids, but a 24 year old single female, who wants to give a child a home, well that’s a different story. But hey, as one of the children I kept once told me, “I’m not a sweetie!” (these were the days 🙂 I love kids!) So I pressed on until someone would at least talk to me!

2013-2018: The process started… adoption agency… one official home study… three home study renewals… one adoption attorney… one adoption home study agency… one whole new home study… three social workers… in all approximately 1,645 days. Does this seem as long as it did at the time of actually waiting and getting paperwork approved to parent? Absolutely not. But at the time did it feel like I was crumbling? Absolutely Yes!! Funny note: I developed 2 “pregnancy” skin conditions during this time: Pyogenic Granuloma on my hand, and Melasma. So it is true, it’s like a “paper pregnancy.”

2018: Eight days after I turned 30, the BEST GIFT EVER ARRIVED!!! I was given the name MOMMY! Less than 48 hours, I was at the hospital in the NICU holding my sweet sweet baby girl! Instant, heart exploding, big brown eyes looking at me LOVE!!! I was just overwhelmed with joy, that her life giving mommy would choose me to continue to give life to this bundle of joy and hope! A gift I could never match. Courage. Respect. I knew my girl had two single moms that were fighting for her life! 🙂

I named her Lucy, lighthearted. I had prayed for her for 5 years. And all those years faded away…

She had a hole in her heart which made stabilizing her oxygen a little tough. After some days spent in the NICU she was discharged. And by the time we could get to the follow up for her heart, the hole had sealed itself!

We had her finalization hearing, and it was official, she had taken my last name!

Let me just try to give you a picture of her personality:

more expressions than anyone I have ever witnessed

could give a look of disgust if you interrupted her bath or bed time

her leg muscles were powerful- 3 people held her down at one of her vaccine appts and she still managed to jerk and kick the needle out of the nurses hand

she knew when it was bedtime and when it was nap time- naps usually included Swingie (my mom)

she LOVED birds and squirrels and deer- she would watch them all day

she knew her cousins voices and when they were holding her

she made her voice known

she held her head up from day one

she had began the “sit up” stage and beginning eating baby food 🙂 she loved bananas and apples

she LOVED her pacis

… and then she started going backwards on all the milestones she was hitting… her head seemed heavy, she was unsteady, couldn’t swallow her food quite right, something wasn’t right.

Primary Care visit… Transfer to ER… Ultrasound… CT… Admitted… MRI… Meeting Called with ALL doctors and nurses… rare diagnosis… hydranencephaly (cerebral spheres of the brain never developed-I’ll write more about the miracle soon)… she was a life and medical miracle, a life and medical “never happen”… We had 2 weeks… Kids Path @ Hospice was a blessing!!!

I will share a lot more about our time together, but for now, it was short, but it was and still is a honor, blessing, breathtaking, and unimaginable joy and heartache… We had

185 days

3,993 hours

239,580 minutes

14,374,800 seconds

together.

On the day Jesus Scooped her up, she had her eyes set on the skies… ready…

And it was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!!