Name, Claim, No Room for Shame!

As I watch the coverage of Hurricane Ian, I am struck with all sorts of emotion. I am also remembering the documentaries that I just watched barely two weeks ago, “When the Levees Broke” and then the follow-up “If God is Willing and Da Creek Don’t Rise,” which are about Hurricane Katrina and New Orleans. The devastation, the brokenness, the loss of lives, homes, loss of everything they had ever known. No two stories were the same, but every person, every story was effected by the hurricane. The trauma, the loss, the reactions, no two were the same, yet they all experienced the same horrific storm.

Have you ever experienced something like this, and felt like the way it effected you was completely different from the others you experienced it with? Tornado? Hurricane? Fire? Health Scares? Chronic Pain? Chronic Diagnosis? Do you ever question yourself? Do ever feel as if you might be crazy? Well, I am here to let you know, you are not crazy, please don’t question yourself, name and claim your reality, this will bring peace.

It has taken me YEARS to be this bold, this confident, it has taken a lot of tearing myself down and God picking me back up to be able to write this today. I am by no means healed or free from thoughts and questions ringing in my head. However, God keeps giving me a new day, another day to share what He has brought me through, and will continue to walk me through until I see him face to face.

Just a few examples of life experiences:

Health diagnosis and challenges
Survived a tornado
Loss of family and friends – due to illness, tragedy, and natural causes
Arson Hotel Fire
Loss of a child
Loss of relationships
Adoption/Paperwork (picture above- heart pounding work)

Most of these experiences are common, and you can find someone that can relate in some way. However, the effects vary for each individual. I believe for a number of reasons, but the most prominent one is the order in which they happen. Other reasons, the severity, your environment, how you are raised to think, react, and cope, what you see and what you hear, and so on.

For a long time I struggled with the world’s view of migraines and the stigma that comes with them. I had a really hard time admitting how much pain I was in and saying I needed to step away. Which then resulted in horrible, make a pallet in the bathroom floor, by the trash can days. This became my life. I started to accept this was going to be my reality. I wasn’t giving myself permission to let go, give up, to rest. I ignored everything my body was screaming, because the world’s comments rang over and over in my head. “Aren’t you tired of sleeping/being in bed?” “You can’t just lay in bed all day.” “Oh my _________ has migraines. She/he found that standing on their head for five minutes helps alleviate the pain.” (I’m being sarcastic with the stand on your head, but I have had whacker suggestions.) And then my little one arrived, and she needed me to be well. She needed me to take care of me and her. To be proactive verses reactive. She taught me to slow down, that rest was a good thing. That stating reality was the kindest thing you can do, no matter what others may say or do. That no two individuals have the exact same migraine story, same experiences, same effects on their health. She pointed me toward courage, and less defeat.

I have developed anxiety and panic attacks as I have gotten older. All of them I have very valid reasons for what triggers them. And I will share here, with the knowledge that some may be weird or off the wall to some, but I hope that it will ultimately bring a feeling of sanity to those who need it. I will list the trigger and then why:

Thought of having to go to the ER – Usually when I have to go to the ER I am dehydrated and lethargic. Which is an uneasy feeling in the first place. I also know the reality of being lethargic and not having someone to advocate/be your voice and fully know what is going on. This anxiety has obviously been heightened with the pandemic, for myself and others. The importance of having someone who knows your medical history and be with you to make sure everything is covered is so crucial.
Not being able to get a response from someone I know should be able to respond- whether it be over the phone or looking for someone where I know they should be, It causes great anxiety. I have witnessed heart attacks, panic/anxiety attacks, heat/fainting, falls, etc.
Back pain – as my urology doctor told my parents once, “once you have had one kidney stone, you fear the next.” there is no way of “killing” this thought, just running faster to Jesus with it.
Safety of Children – my heart pounds at any child’s cry or scream, it’s the way I am wired. Just this week I was somewhere with my nephew, and I was sitting on a platform watching him, and literally out of the corner of my eye, I see this little boy climb up two horizontal railings and lean over. I immediately panicked and almost ran to grab him! I am still shaking! I also don’t want one more person to have to lose a child. Every child, every baby I see is such a heart lifter and is to be treasured.
Smells- fire, rubber or gas burning, perfume or strong floral or “pretty” smells- these trigger thoughts of arson, fire, and fear of the next migraine.

The only consistent thing that will get me through and out of these attacks, is crying out, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” until my head and heart and body have complete peace. (and I am completely exhausted. But He meets me there as well 😊)

Life is good. Life is hard. Life is up and down and round and round. Life is given. Each individual has a collections of stories, memories, experiences, scars, and wounds trying to mend. Though we may share the same experiences, the effects can be far and wide. The triggers, the reactions, the recovery, the trauma, the life going forward, let’s handle it with grace, tenderness, kindness, try a little understanding, consider equal listening and talking, truly hearing one another. In hearing, sharing, walking together, we are valuing each other as the individuals we have been created to be. I encourage you, dive in, find the roots, name the triggers, find what works for you, claim your reality, and ask God to help you navigate this reality.

Life Book of the Week: “The Art of Struggling” by Beth Hildebrand

https://www.bethhildebrand.com/book