Doesn’t Anybody Know?

A friend shared this song with me not long after Jesus scooped Lucy up into His arms. And I want to share the lyrics today with you before writing out my thoughts ❤️

I see the lights in the house and the people inside
Clearing dishes from the table like it's a regular night

And the ones on 12th Street out for an evening walk
How can they keep moving when the world just stopped

Doesn't anybody know

I still run errands still answer the calls
Still sit down for dinner as if I'm hungry at all

And the election campaigners still come to the door
But there's no use explaining Why I don't care anymore

Doesn't anybody know

It's the end of a world. It's the end of a world. it's the end of a world.

Pass the butterfly garden Through the elevator doors
Nobody else is waiting For the fifth floor

They got balloons and flowers They got expectant smiles
They got a hope for the future That I just can't find

At the end of a world. At the end of a world. At the end of a world

I have to take all these questions I have to lay them down
At the feet of God I can't believe in now

But little girl, when you see him Tell him why it's so hard
On this side of believing Where it feels so dark

At the end of a world. At the end of a world. At the end of a world

Where I see the lights of the houses and the people inside
Clearing dishes from the table like it'a a regular night

- Then End of a World, Andy Gullahorn

The brain has always been fascinating to me – God obviously planted this curiosity in me early on for a reason. I recently heard someone say that some movies are just off limits for them because of their imagination. This clicked with me for many reasons – biggest reason is because everything has pictures in my brain. Let me explain.

The above song, describes the heart dropping, fainting feeling I had and have when it hits me Lucy is really not physically here with me. The day that my parents and I were pulled into a room with a bunch of doctors and specialists and given to news, I don’t really remember much except getting the diagnosis and approximate time left with her. I had to ask my parents what I said and if I was kind as I left the room. To which my mom said yes and has a memory of seared in her mind of me saying, “Excuse me but I need to go be with my little girl.” As I rushed back to her room all I remember is feeling like I was really unsteady and everything was blurry and spinning. None of my steps felt like I was hitting the ground. And when I got in the room I collapsed on the bed beside her and began crying, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” I knew this end of a world existed – but I didn’t know it would feel like I was on the edge of a mountain, begging for just a little breeze to steady me back on my feet.

(Following me?)

We had a few days in the hospital to have a little breeze and catch our breath. And advocating also made me grip my toes a bit tighter to the ground. And this continued when we came home and had time together. The most important thing was soaking in every second we had left. And then a new end of a world, one we were expecting but really didn’t know what to expect, came and there was complete silence. No cries, no whimpering, no bottles, no paci noises, no pj snaps or zippers, no diaper pail, no wipes being pulled out, no toys dropping, no bottle washing. All at once – I walked into our house and there wasn’t a single noise – and the thought did hit me – does anybody know? This is it. Again, I cried, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” And for a long time that is all I could pray between the weeping.

It’s like the road abruptly stops. Or the sidewalk. It doesn’t have to be a mountain or cliff. Something ends and you a jolted to a stop and you get your balance. Your heart drops to your stomach. You holding on by a string. However you can visualize it, it’s an end to something that is seemingly unbearable.

The fact is we all have our own “end of a world” experiences. Loss is only one example. As much as I miss Lucy, I grieve what kids are having to encounter and be aware of everyday. It pains me what they are up against in school, in places that should be safe, in friendships, and even in some faith communities. The end of the world that I grew up in is definitely something that grieves me daily. Another world that has disappeared is role-model appointed leaders. I have a love for how the government works simply because of all those school assignments that required me to watch Presidential addresses and learn the Preamble. Granted I didn’t appreciate these assignments then, but I grew to really appreciate them as an adult. Unfortunately, the era of clean mouth, no bullying speeches are history. Although I do believe it only takes one generation to turn things around!

The word I want you to remember today is: HOPE.

At the end of a world, each and every world is Jesus. He is HOPE. He is HOME. Allow him to meet you before you are at the end of yourself. Does anybody know? Yes, He does! And the honest truth is that if you ask in faith, he is faithful to give what is asked. All the thoughts and feelings that the above song expresses are expected and valid, and we can express these to him. Also, on the days that it seems as everybody is having their perfect dinners and washing their perfect dishes, he sends a reminder that somebody remembers and they know and they see you. The moments that seem really dark and you are only eating to survive (rather surviving to eat), he will send friends who send you songs that remind you that you are not forgotten. All you have to do is ask.

The Maker of button noses and long eyelashes made YOU!

Life Book of the Week: The Painting Table, by Roger Hutchinson