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Did you say “nOrMaL?”
My heart is shattered. There are families weeping and aching because there are empty beds, empty seats at their table, less laughter in their home this week. As one dad said it so well, “she always brushed her teeth.” These tiny details, the details that we seem to nag kids about, these are cut off/no existent for these parents. This is grief. I don’t know much, but this much I do know… the loss of a child is different. I’ve known loss, from when I was 4 years old-ish to now. When I was four, it was my friend who was only a year younger than me at the time,…
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The Ones who call me “NaNa”
Today is all about Squeak and Buster. (above picture from 2017) AKA: Lilly and Jack, my niece and my nephew. (Note 😊: The name NaNa was given to me, as I mentioned before, by a little girl who I was blessed to be apart and continue to be apart of her life. This name is super special to me – my “life” role with her and her brothers, and with my niece and nephew are different, but both roles are my heart’s delight and joy!) First, let me explain the Squeak and Buster names 😂 Squeak, is what her dad (my brother) would always call her when she was a…
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You don’t LOOK sick?
Question for the day: Why do we say this, “You don’t look sick,” as if we have to look a certain way to be deemed “sick.” And what does it mean to be “sick?” To one person, it could mean a momentary illness, a cold, virus, or infection. To another, it could be lifelong daily maintenance, caution, awareness, and appointments. And then there are the people that claim they NEVER GET SICK, good golly, at some point you have had to blow your nose or cough – just be real. (sense my sarcasm) The dictionary’s definition of sick is this: “affected by physical or mental illness.” I agree with this…
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I don’t know much…
But this much I do know… I am just a sneaky as my Mom who raised me 😊 She definitely cringed when I even mentioned that I may do a “Mother’s Day” post about her, that’s just who she is. She encourages me in my writing, so it’s not that she doesn’t want me to write, she really just doesn’t like the spotlight on her. Although in reality, it all points to our Heavenly Father, so I chose to go ahead with it ☺️ Side Note: If you don’t know my family, my mom’s grandmother name is Swing, sometimes Swingie when her grand-littles get excited. This name was given to…
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Quality or Quantity?
Life. So many little choices. So many BIG choices. How do you define quality? How do you define quantity? Which do you value the most? In my post, “This little one calls me Mommy,” I told you all that I would write more on Lucy’s diagnosis of hydranencephaly. This is the hardest post yet, just being real and honest. So please bear with me… Milestones. If you know anything about any pre-adoption prep/education, you know that the words “bonding time” are huge, especially with adoptions under the age of 5. It’s the crucial and critical years of our lives that form us, and more importantly, form our basic foundation for…
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Days Like This
Do you ever find yourself just sitting, in a far off daze, with the world seemingly spinning around you, at a speed that is incomprehensible, and you are sitting completely still? I cannot pin point exactly when this became a “normal,” almost daily thing for me. I mean, other than completely zoning out in school and such because of ADHD and Learning disabilities. This is totally different. When I became a Mommy, I would get in a thought process of what is upsetting my Lucy Baby? Diaper, hungry, sleepy, tummy hurts, uncomfortable, etc. Does she want to play or watch the animals outside? What is the best skincare and haircare…
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Christ, Children, and Confetti!
I LOVE Easter! It’s good and hard and a time of brokenness and healing… Christ. Spiritually… it’s a time of remembering Jesus, and the fact that facing death is real, so real that his sweat became blood. He was so grieved and stressed, his body reacted as he had so intricately designed. Pause here for a moment. Think about how you sweat, and then think about that turning to blood! Although I cannot identify and say I have ever had this happen, I can say I have had the experience of bleeding non-stop, whether a wound or nose bleed, etc. In these moments, I feel light headed, weak, disoriented. I…
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Lament. Grief. Tears.
What comes to mind when you think about these words? Today, I type through tears, because life hits sometimes and you just need to cry. (I might have been just wondering why He is asking me to blog, bc I am having to ask for a lot of patience!) As my Mom is always reminding me, “God wouldn’t have formed the tiny tear ducts if he didn’t think we needed tears every now and then.” And honestly, since watching my Lucy be in such pain, then have supernatural peace to her having her eyes set on the sky, the day Jesus scooped her up, my tears come faster and no…
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Take time
Today, I encourage you to take time… to remember… to tell your story… relive memories… pull out old photos, letters, artwork, videos, and just sit, and think of how grateful you are for those moments. My heart today would like to share with you, more of the miracles, moments, and memories of becoming Lucy’s Mommy! I look back on the 30 years of life I had before her arrival, and I am in awe of the amazing preparation/work God had been doing in and around me! Some examples being: Knowing and growing up the medical life and community, advocating, knowing the truth about “never happens.” Also, I had the honor…
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Slow down… Consider…
Okay, as I begin to type this, my heart beats a little faster, I’m a little dizzy, but I believe I must write this for many reasons. (I wrote it over a month ago, but now I need to share it:)) If you will remember, I’m not a sweetie, nor do I like to argue. I LOVE facts, and when a fact is not available I ask for the next best thing, TRUTH. I am someone who has always known life with the daily medical world, and I am also a Medical Mama. My personality is a slower pace, quicker to pause, introvert. And honestly, I have had to be…
