Grief
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When Time Stands Still
1825+ days. Praying, advocating, fighting, trusting, tearful begging, consumed with papers and books and research. And then the moment comes… I finally scoop up a beautiful and precious baby girl up and out of her NICU bed and into my arms. Her eyes meet mine. Time stands still. The noise around us goes completely silent. It is just me and her, and in that instant, we are a family. Every ache and pain, all the paperwork, every tear, every single prayer prayed… in that moment becomes absolutely priceless. I would do it all over again for this moment, and the many moments to come. As much as I wanted more…
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Unrepeatable!
Do you ever just take a minute at look at the palm of your hand? Do you realize that absolutely no one else will ever make the exact same handprint that you are looking at? All of the handprint art that children make, are 100% one of a kind! Unrepeatable! In the adoption process your fingerprints especially become an essential part of your home study. Unless they just can’t retrieve your fingerprints, which is possible! One of the first things they do when you are born is make handprints and footprints to document who you are, who you belong to, and all the important information about your birth. I, personally,…
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Three Million New Blood Cells
” Have you ever watched them (children) watch? Their mouths may hang open; they’re not, like adults, aware of themselves- they’re only aware of what they’re watching… And your child is in process, as a person. Every eight days he gets a new layer of skin. Every eight years every cell in his body has become new. Look at that child right now: since this time yesterday he has three million new blood cells.” Children are Wet Cement, Anne Ortlund If the above quote doesn’t stir something inside of you, then my words today may not make sense either. When it comes to babies and children, I am a firm…
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Soul Share
Today, allow me to share with you some friends I have met along my journey in the past few years. If you have been reading along for a bit, you have most likely gathered that we moved from my childhood home in early 2020, right before COVID hit hard. We moved to our lake/vacation home not too far away, while our new house was being built. Side note: Thank you Jesus for providing a lake home all these years, because COVID plus not having space that was familiar would have made this move incredibly harder. Anyways, the closest store for miles is a Dollar General, which we depended on for…
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No Matter What, CELEBRATE!
Last night I revisited a video on my phone, one that I visit often. It is of one of Lucy’s last really good days. She is alert and responsive, seemingly in very little pain and not struggling with her breathing. Indeed she was very weak, but she was still strong enough to engage with us. I took this video to remember the moment and the day that she had just had. Her cousins had come to visit as well as aunts and uncles. You could feel her peace and contentment, even with all the giggling and playing happening all around her, that almost seemed to put her at peace more.…
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Lemons… Curveball… And the Wringer…
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life throws you a curveball, hit it out of the park. When life puts you through the wringer… Have you had enough of this one liners yet? I have! Someone once said, “I’m not a rainbow shooter,” meaning that they were not going to be making things pretty for the sake of the feelings and emotions of themselves and others. Shooting rainbows is exhausting, and cannot be a long-term reality. We need to leave the rainbows up to God and remember why he places them in the sky. As a reminder of a very faithful promise to Noah and his family. (this…
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Living in the daily Indeed!
Indeed! was born out of the statement and response: Christ is Risen! He is Risen Indeed! In my home growing up this was a daily morning greeting. The reminder and the response was necessary, because honestly, nobody is 100% of the time ready to jump out of the bed and get to work every single day. But if you know, believe, and live in the “indeed” He IS absolutely risen, then there is a reason to put forth effort to make Him known and honor Him with your daily practices, routine, and to-dos. My little girl’s hospital and diagnosis anniversary is nearing, as well as her running ahead to Jesus…
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Children Matter. 100%. Period.
I come to you today, as a broken Mommy with a brain full of grief fog. Please bear with me! First, I cannot and will not ignore the loss of children’s lives this week. Never is it okay to get numb to the fact that CHILDREN are having their lives cut short, in any sort of way! When it’s intentionally done at the hands of adults, I can’t even come up with a strong enough word. I grieve with these families 100%. There absolutely has the be a change! Honestly, there has to be a lot of changes, not just politically or policy wise, but heart, soul, and mind change,…
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Celebrations Together that We Lost…
Here I sit. Pondering birthdays and parties. Wondering what you would like and what you would be doing. And then it hits me like a tone of bricks. Never will I ever plan a birthday that we will share together. We celebrate you. Every year, all throughout the year. But there is no wish list. No surprises. No favorite foods. Would you like cake, cupcakes, cookies, donuts? No countdown calendars. No invitations. No list of friends to list and to invite. No squeals as you open presents. No fill in the blank thank you notes. No little huffs and puffs to blow out the candles. Just the memory of giving…
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Can I get a Hallelujah?
“We are dazzled by arrays of Christmas lights. In recent years, seeing them through the eyes of my two young children has awakened something in me I’d lost to the subtle and insidious cynicism that often sets in with age: longing. Light is a wonderment because of its promise that there’s something brilliant veiled behind the darkness, waiting to be found, pulsing with life, on the brink of unfolding before us.” Jay Y. Kim, The Promised One: Advent Readings From Christianity Today 2022 I read this earlier this week, and I said, aloud to myself, “YES! That’s it!” Children are our magnificent examples of these words! If we only slow…
