Mommy
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Celebrations Together that We Lost…
Here I sit. Pondering birthdays and parties. Wondering what you would like and what you would be doing. And then it hits me like a tone of bricks. Never will I ever plan a birthday that we will share together. We celebrate you. Every year, all throughout the year. But there is no wish list. No surprises. No favorite foods. Would you like cake, cupcakes, cookies, donuts? No countdown calendars. No invitations. No list of friends to list and to invite. No squeals as you open presents. No fill in the blank thank you notes. No little huffs and puffs to blow out the candles. Just the memory of giving…
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Can I get a Hallelujah?
“We are dazzled by arrays of Christmas lights. In recent years, seeing them through the eyes of my two young children has awakened something in me I’d lost to the subtle and insidious cynicism that often sets in with age: longing. Light is a wonderment because of its promise that there’s something brilliant veiled behind the darkness, waiting to be found, pulsing with life, on the brink of unfolding before us.” Jay Y. Kim, The Promised One: Advent Readings From Christianity Today 2022 I read this earlier this week, and I said, aloud to myself, “YES! That’s it!” Children are our magnificent examples of these words! If we only slow…
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Swaddled No More!!!
Words we hear around Christmas: Longing. Expecting. Arrival. Welcoming. Receiving. Giving. These words have me really digging and searching this Christmas season. I’m not completely sure why, but I have a couple of thoughts, and I would just like to share them with you today. The picture for today’s post is the Christmas BEFORE Lucy arrived. I know I know, crazy prepared, maybe, but she was set for about five or six Christmas’s and birthdays 😊 That was IF i could keep it all out of reach 😂! (this was the “scene” for around 4 Christmas before she arrived). The “stuff” is not the point of what I am wanting…
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Days Gone By
A fun “Unless you know me well” fact: although this is my favorite weather and holiday season, this time of year tends to bring out “oops did I just say that out loud?” moments. I tend to be a bit sarcastic and a tad rebellious to the “assignments” of the world around us. A few examples: Thanksgiving: I love family and traditions, but when it comes to assignments of listing what you are thankful for… well, I was the kid who always listed the same things, Mom, Dad, Brother, Jesus, Friends. I was often perplexed by this assignment, especially in a Christian School, because why wasn’t this an assignment throughout…
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Asking for Help, Not the “Fixing” Kind
“I need to remember that I live in a culture of doers and fixers.” – Christine Rhyner, How Much Did You Pay for Her? Nailed it! This quote is from one of the many amazing books I read in “the waiting” for my little girl to arrive. I have to often remind myself of these words, and remember to give grace, because I need just as much grace. I tend to have a cut and dry outlook, not necessarily optimistic but not pessimistic. More of a “please don’t try to fix me or the situation that cannot be fixed, and I will do the same for you.” Give me Jesus,…
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Life and Lollipop Toes
I am going to jump right in today, and lay out what I believe with great conviction and also find important to make clear before moving forward today… I know that was a lot to get to what I actually want to write today, but my hope was to make clear where I am coming from and where my heart is. November is National Adoption Month. So this month I hope to bring some light to some areas of adoption that may be new or a little less familiar to you. Today, I want to share one of the very real and heart breaking realizations I discovered and researched that…
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Take time to Look Up!
Happy Fall, Ya’ll! Fall and winter are my happy places 😊. I love the weather, the clothes, the feelings… I could go all day, but I know that most people don’t share my deep love for these seasons, so I won’t drag it out 😂. Seasons of Life. Some come and go, some come to stay. It is all in how we choose to welcome them, isn’t it? The picture above is my niece during our first visit to Build-a-Bear. I love this picture, and when I say love, I am over the moon in love with this picture. Let me tell you why. First, the awe and wonder in…
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Celebrate? Now? How?
As I walked back into our house, into complete silence, I wept and couldn’t catch my breath. I just remember thinking, “when will I be able to come back up for air? This hurts so bad!” As I crawled into the bed that I now couldn’t remember her not being beside me in, I wrapped myself in every blanket that was hers and cried and breathed, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” A deep breath in and breath out, Jesus. Repeated until my heart rate was somewhat normal. Although my head felt as if it was going to explode. I would be lying if I said this was a one time thing. The…
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Thoughts of a Broken Mommy
I want to take you on a trip today, one that I find not many will allow me to talk about. One that I am literally aching to tell the world is okay to talk about, ask me about, and is making the world of grieving parents feel as if they are insane. So if you are one of these parents, let me be clear, you are not alone, and you are not insane. I may not know you, but we are together in this journey called life. Keep sharing your story, your child’s name, their story, the world need you and them! Let me take you on a trip,…
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My Brown Eyed Lucy
This past Saturday, July 9, was the anniversary of Jesus scooping up my Lucy, back into His arms. And when I think back on that day, it was actually a calm, peaceful, hymns playing, her gazing at the sky and then at us and then back to the sky. It was easily the most peaceful day of her life. We were seeing all signs of her body “letting go,” but she must have been waiting for my brother to come visit, and for my mom to take her out for their daily front porch time. (only God knows the timing-I am not God-this time was just bittersweet) Because as soon…
