Mommy
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I see her in everything.
“Grief has made me look for you in everything around me; the clouds, the wind, the butterflies…” I see her in the face of the little girl baptized on Sunday. I see her in the birds outside our window. I see her in the flowers blooming, and the colors they bring to the world. I see her in the choices I make, the words I choose. I hear her in the giggles of children. I feel her when I am wrapped in a muslin blanket. I still have so many moments that I think she is only in the next room, playing hide and seek with my mom. Or maybe…
- "Life" Books, Chronic Illness, Consider This..., Family, Friends & Neighbors, GRANDparents, Jesus, Mommy, My Little, Single Parenting
What the Sprinkles!?!?!
Oh dear, aww shucks, what the heck…. We do our best to avoid those sneaky four letter words that are so rampant in culture. We quickly try to think of a substitute… That’s what happened with my mom and I when one of us just blurted out, “What the sprinkles!” We were shocked, I don’t even remember what it was about, and sprinkles were in eyesight and so that became the substitute and now is a common phrase around the house. “Potty mouth,” as it was called in the 1990s, was a no-no in our house growing up, but as I have become an adult I have found there are…
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When the First Time is Also the Last Time
Seven years. This picture was taken seven years ago, after my nephew’s PK concert at his school. Some days it seems like yesterday. Other days it seems like my whole lifetime. It just started storming here at my home and it’s a bit crazy because it was storming the night of this performance. Do you ever have memories that have such vivid pictures when you close your eyes? There are so many details I can remember about this night. It was so bittersweet. My niece wanted us to sit up close to the front, so we did. I had Lucy in my Ergo carrier while also trying to set up…
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Did I Hear That Correct? Surely Not.
I’ll have my first granddaughter in a couple of weeks… she’s not going to be a pincushion. We’re not going to allow that to happen. United States Senator (look up the quote and see what else this senator had to say) Am I disturbed? Am I perturbed? Am I angry? Why, yes, all of the above. And no, this post is not going to be all about vaccines and medical research. However, the debates and the funding cuts continue, and when this continues I will not stay silent. I will give facts. And sometimes some first-hand experience and knowledge. I don’t know if this senator has ever experienced his own…
- "Life" Books, Adoption, Aunt-ing, Children, Family, Friends & Neighbors, GRANDparents, Grief, Memories, Mommy, Siblings, Single Parenting
Savoring the Memories
“Give me the WILD children with their BARE feet and SPARKLING eyes! The RESTLESS, churning climbers. The wild ones using their outside voices, singing ALL THE WAY HOME. Give me the WONDER-FILLED glorious mess makers DREAMING of mountains and mud, and aching to RUN through the field of stars.” Nicolette Sowder Just this week my mom and I were talking about how much we miss children. Where I grew up there was plenty of space for children to play and explore, it was a child’s dream come true. I can say this because that’s exactly how I felt there. If children were not at our house, we were still close…
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Storm Warning!
Let me start off by saying, I love a good rainstorm! Some of my favorite days and best memories are days with my parents, grandparents, brother, kids I kept, my little girl, my niece and nephew and cousins, just dancing in the rain or simply watching the rain and clouds pass over. Sweet front porch sitting, one of Lucy’s and my niece and nephew’s favorite activities when they were little 😊 Tornados… Hurricanes… these come with the wonderful place I call home. I have watched and lived through many. Loss is always a part of storms and the news coverage and stories afterwards. In 2018, there were two hurricanes that hit,…
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Be Alert. Gather the Facts.
I laugh at this photo because if only the parenting know-it-alls knew what was coming for parents, would they have been so hard on my parents for allowing a black and white antenna tv in my room when I was sick for long periods of time? I mean how much could a little Lambchop or Skidamarink looping up and down with periods of black and grey lines do to me? And pacis, they already gave up on those – I found those as soon as they tried to hide them! (fun fact- never had to have braces!) Recently I had a conversation with a friend about the amount of “alert”…
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A Miracle Starts
The pictures above were hand crafted by a parent (I babysat for) grown to be true friend. I always admired her artwork in her home, and now I have my very own! Ask my parents- these are not to be touched or removed from my sight! Seriously! The one on the left is from a picture taken just a few days before my Lucy ran ahead to Jesus, with the hymn, “I need Thee every hour,” which I sang to her since she was born. The one on the right is taken from a picture right after her finalization hearing, almost exactly two months before, with the words “wonderfully made,”…
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Reminders that She was Here
Somedays I see her in every moment. And then somedays I must search, as though she is playing hide and seek, just like I would imagine her as a five year old would be doing. The arrival of Lucy was long-awaited. The running into Jesus’ arms was fast! The in-between was everything I could have ever hoped for and more! I can’t say “gone too soon,” because I know and firmly believe that Jesus doesn’t do things “too soon.” Arrivals and departures are in His hands. In my human nature, yes I have times of questioning and frustration. But the only thing that brings me peace: His promises and laying…
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When Time Stands Still
1825+ days. Praying, advocating, fighting, trusting, tearful begging, consumed with papers and books and research. And then the moment comes… I finally scoop up a beautiful and precious baby girl up and out of her NICU bed and into my arms. Her eyes meet mine. Time stands still. The noise around us goes completely silent. It is just me and her, and in that instant, we are a family. Every ache and pain, all the paperwork, every tear, every single prayer prayed… in that moment becomes absolutely priceless. I would do it all over again for this moment, and the many moments to come. As much as I wanted more…
