Mommy
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Asking for Help, Not the “Fixing” Kind
“I need to remember that I live in a culture of doers and fixers.” – Christine Rhyner, How Much Did You Pay for Her? Nailed it! This quote is from one of the many amazing books I read in “the waiting” for my little girl to arrive. I have to often remind myself of these words, and remember to give grace, because I need just as much grace. I tend to have a cut and dry outlook, not necessarily optimistic but not pessimistic. More of a “please don’t try to fix me or the situation that cannot be fixed, and I will do the same for you.” Give me Jesus,…
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Life and Lollipop Toes
I am going to jump right in today, and lay out what I believe with great conviction and also find important to make clear before moving forward today… I know that was a lot to get to what I actually want to write today, but my hope was to make clear where I am coming from and where my heart is. November is National Adoption Month. So this month I hope to bring some light to some areas of adoption that may be new or a little less familiar to you. Today, I want to share one of the very real and heart breaking realizations I discovered and researched that…
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Take time to Look Up!
Happy Fall, Ya’ll! Fall and winter are my happy places 😊. I love the weather, the clothes, the feelings… I could go all day, but I know that most people don’t share my deep love for these seasons, so I won’t drag it out 😂. Seasons of Life. Some come and go, some come to stay. It is all in how we choose to welcome them, isn’t it? The picture above is my niece during our first visit to Build-a-Bear. I love this picture, and when I say love, I am over the moon in love with this picture. Let me tell you why. First, the awe and wonder in…
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Celebrate? Now? How?
As I walked back into our house, into complete silence, I wept and couldn’t catch my breath. I just remember thinking, “when will I be able to come back up for air? This hurts so bad!” As I crawled into the bed that I now couldn’t remember her not being beside me in, I wrapped myself in every blanket that was hers and cried and breathed, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” A deep breath in and breath out, Jesus. Repeated until my heart rate was somewhat normal. Although my head felt as if it was going to explode. I would be lying if I said this was a one time thing. The…
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Thoughts of a Broken Mommy
I want to take you on a trip today, one that I find not many will allow me to talk about. One that I am literally aching to tell the world is okay to talk about, ask me about, and is making the world of grieving parents feel as if they are insane. So if you are one of these parents, let me be clear, you are not alone, and you are not insane. I may not know you, but we are together in this journey called life. Keep sharing your story, your child’s name, their story, the world need you and them! Let me take you on a trip,…
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My Brown Eyed Lucy
This past Saturday, July 9, was the anniversary of Jesus scooping up my Lucy, back into His arms. And when I think back on that day, it was actually a calm, peaceful, hymns playing, her gazing at the sky and then at us and then back to the sky. It was easily the most peaceful day of her life. We were seeing all signs of her body “letting go,” but she must have been waiting for my brother to come visit, and for my mom to take her out for their daily front porch time. (only God knows the timing-I am not God-this time was just bittersweet) Because as soon…
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Truth: “Nevers,” Happen!
“It will never happen to me…” “I never imagined this would happen to me/our city/our family…” We are all human, so we have all thought this at one time, maybe even said it out loud. Nobody wants tragedy to strike, or trauma, or disaster to happen to them or anyone they love. Yet, it does, and we still are repeating these same sentences. Granted we are creatures of habit, so in the midst of panic and chaos, we say and do things that just come to mind that has been stored in our brain for times like these. It’s how we are wired. Let me just ask this: What if…
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Did you say “nOrMaL?”
My heart is shattered. There are families weeping and aching because there are empty beds, empty seats at their table, less laughter in their home this week. As one dad said it so well, “she always brushed her teeth.” These tiny details, the details that we seem to nag kids about, these are cut off/no existent for these parents. This is grief. I don’t know much, but this much I do know… the loss of a child is different. I’ve known loss, from when I was 4 years old-ish to now. When I was four, it was my friend who was only a year younger than me at the time,…
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Quality or Quantity?
Life. So many little choices. So many BIG choices. How do you define quality? How do you define quantity? Which do you value the most? In my post, “This little one calls me Mommy,” I told you all that I would write more on Lucy’s diagnosis of hydranencephaly. This is the hardest post yet, just being real and honest. So please bear with me… Milestones. If you know anything about any pre-adoption prep/education, you know that the words “bonding time” are huge, especially with adoptions under the age of 5. It’s the crucial and critical years of our lives that form us, and more importantly, form our basic foundation for…
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Days Like This
Do you ever find yourself just sitting, in a far off daze, with the world seemingly spinning around you, at a speed that is incomprehensible, and you are sitting completely still? I cannot pin point exactly when this became a “normal,” almost daily thing for me. I mean, other than completely zoning out in school and such because of ADHD and Learning disabilities. This is totally different. When I became a Mommy, I would get in a thought process of what is upsetting my Lucy Baby? Diaper, hungry, sleepy, tummy hurts, uncomfortable, etc. Does she want to play or watch the animals outside? What is the best skincare and haircare…
